It began with strings of hushed whispers in the corners of yoga studios around New Jersey. I would run into a yoga friend I had not seen in a while, whose response would be something like,
"I don't get here much anymore. I go to Yogi C.'s studio now."
"Yogi C. even turned my husband onto yoga!"
"Yogi C. got me into Scorpion pose last week. I never thought I'd be able to do that."
I'm a skeptic when I hear of any teacher whose reputation creates this type of buzz. You all know about my experience with Shiva Shakti, one of the most hailed instructors of the yoga world, whom I found to be completely insincere. But I was curious to see what the buzz was about.
I walked into Yogi C's studio to find a wall-to-wall crowd and an excitement that infiltrated the space. In the front of the room stood a young man in shorts and a tee shirt, greeting students with bear hugs and high fives and buoyant laughter.
Yogi C. taught a meticulous class. He encouraged us to work hard while reminding us to respect our limits. He relayed his reverence for yoga yet also fostered a sense of lightness and ease. He cracked jokes. He had Soundgarden on his playlist. He imitated Chef from "South Park." He laughed. A lot.
I have returned weekly to Yogi C.'s studio ever since. What makes Yogi C. such a great teacher? First of all, he delivers a thorough, challenging class, and he always has new information to share. He teaches with respect for the traditions of yoga, and at the same time, he brings himself to the teachings, big personality and all. As a yoga teacher myself, who has struggled to find my voice in the front of a class, this is what I appreciate about Yogi C. the most.
I graduated from yoga teacher training in a crisis. I loved yoga, but also felt I wasn't "yogic" enough to be an instructor. My outside voice would be unacceptable, along with my Doc Martens and liquid eyeliner. Whenever I walked into a studio to teach, I put on my Fake Zen Face, left my steel toe boots at home, and struggled to remember to speak softly. This was yoga. I had to be serious.
Pretending to be someone else takes its toll. When we stuff our true nature into a box and try to squeeze ourselves into a mold of what we think we're supposed to be, the result is catastrophic. We yell at our husbands. We cry for no reason. We eat vegan chocolate chips straight from the package, curled up in a fetal position on the couch. It as if we are no longer inhabiting our own bodies. We are certainly no longer Fierce Divas.
Through Yogi C.'s influence, I have given myself permission to bring "me" to my students. If my outside voice slips out, so be it. I've even added some Pearl Jam to my playlist.
The message about my experience with Yogi C. applies to all of us, and not just those who teach yoga. "Be yourself" may be cliché advice, but perhaps this is because it is the advice we most need to hear. I have spent a large part of my life contorting myself to meet someone else's standard, and maybe you have as well. This behavior has plagued me through relationships, motherhood, and my tenure in Corporate America. I have hidden behind the rules of dating to captivate men, my "company gal" persona for job security, and sensible shoes to make friends with the other mommies on the playground. Those disguises have sucked the life out of me as much as my Fake Zen Face does while teaching yoga. Yes, there is a code of conduct we need to follow to get by in this world and to cultivate healthy relationships, but within this framework, we need to be true to ourselves. And believe it or not, others may enjoy your company even more when you are. Doc Martens, outside voice, and all.
Namaste, Divas!
©2012 Ilene Evans
Hi! I found you through SITS. I read the featured post, but then I saw a yoga tag and had to click on that.
I’m studying to get my 200 CYT, and this is not the first time I’ve heard the “find your own voice.” There is just something about being yourself and giving your true self to the class that students appreciate. They appreciate the honesty.
As I practice teach my friends, I find that I’m very silly. They laugh and afterward, they tell me that they can’t wait to take more classes with me. Because I am so new at it, I mess up a LOT and say the weirdest cues. But maybe that’s the kind of teacher I’m supposed to be. Silly and honest and not afraid to mess up. 🙂
I think my worry is that I’m not advanced enough. Most of the teachers I know have studied in India, or with serious master teachers for months at a time. They can do seriously advanced poses, and I am still too scared to do a handstand against the wall. (My headstand against the wall is OK, but I’m probably doing it wrong.)
Oh well. It’s called “practice” for a reason, right? 🙂
Five years ago, I’d have never believed that I’d be in yoga teacher training. I still don’t know if I’ll be a teacher, but everyone else seems to see something in me.
Anyway, this was a very neat post. 🙂
anywhere-is.net
ronni@anywhere-is.net
Ronni! I am so glad you stopped by and found this post. I KNEW there was a reason I wrote it!
I honestly did not feel “yogic” enough to teach at first. My program was crazy serious and that was sort of the brain wash they did on me – or that I allowed them to do on me. I am so glad I found this other local teacher who gave me “permission” to be myself in front of a class. I now “teach the class I want to take” and that makes all the difference. I think so long as we balance being authentic with having the best interest of our students at heart, we are on the right course.
I wish you the best of luck. Please keep in touch and let me know how the rest of your training goes! I am so psyched for you!