If you're a regular on the blog, then you know you'd have more fun hanging out with a piece of plywood at a bar or a party than with me. So, it should come as no surprise that when my birthday passed a few weeks ago, the day slipped by without a big girls night out or a lot of fanfare.
I had a great day. It was a normal day-in-the-life-of-a-Fierce Diva, but with some extra phone calls and cards in the mail with good wishes for me. I don't have high expectations for birthdays or other holidays, but it was not always like this. There was a time that I would get wrapped up, way too wrapped up, in who would remember to call? Who would forget to call? What would I "do" to mark the occasion as special?
I blame some of this "perfect day" pressure on the media. The wedding magazines, destination birthday party trend, and four months of the year that advertisers devote to Christmas create a message that says, "If your life does not resemble a Norman Rockwell painting on this specific day, then you're a loser." Divas, if you haven't noticed, the media also cares more about how Reese Witherspoon is wearing her bangs this week than the famine in Somalia.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate your birthday, but I caution you to celebrate in a way where you minimize your expectations of others. Some friends may call, yet others may not. They're wrapped up in their own lives, or perhaps the "birthday thing" is not as important to them as it is to you. The point is, once you depend on others to make you or a specific day feel special, you're setting yourself up for the big letdown. We all know where the big letdown leads. We drunk text ex-boyfriends. We eat ice cream from the gallon container while standing in front of the freezer. We impulse-buy Today's Special Value on QVC even though we have absolutely no use for an outdoor dinnerware set. We are no longer acting like Fierce Divas.
I find we are more prone to this "perfect day" pressure if we are not in a good place in our lives. Here we are, another year older, or another Christmas gone, and things have not worked out according to plan. We have regrets. The birthday or holiday reminds us of those regrets, and contorting that day into perfection becomes the payback we demand from life for those disappointments.
Instead of using your birthday or Christmas or New Years as a day to regret, use it as a day to take stock. A birthday is a great day to conduct an annual review. Take stock in the past year. Decide what is working in your life and what's not, without judgment. Create goals for the next year. Break them down into manageable pieces. For example: want to run your first half marathon? Decide month by month how much you will increase your mileage to get to your goal.
Use the review to identify and work toward goals that will bring you closer to living the life you love. The more you are living the life you love, the less the actions of others will matter.
I'm not suggesting that "birthday love" is bad. Enjoy the cards, flower, gifts, and phone calls! However, it's time to drop those "perfect day" expectations, and make every day matter, instead.
Next year, my birthday falls on a Friday. Perhaps I'll let Trixie drag my "wimpy Diva ass" to a bar, since it's not a school night. Maybe I'll really let my hair down and ask for lime in my seltzer instead of lemon…
Namaste, Divas!
©2012 Ilene Evans
