My Almost Meet-Up With @acctodenise

Denise

Earlier this week, joking around on Twitter, I fabricated a fantasy meet up among some of my favorite blogging girlfriends, people I’ve never met in person, but all who have a special place in my heart.

In my fantasy, Christine, Michelle, Mary, Kristen, Denise and I all meet up in Maryland, where three out of the six of us live.  In the Twitter conversation, Michelle even offered me a place to say, saying that I could bunk up with her visiting in-laws (you were serious, Michelle, right?  I’m a very low maintenance house guest.  So long as I have access to an espresso maker, filtered water, a guest room with a firm mattress, synthetic down pillows, a quiet space for my morning yoga practice, and wi-fi, you won’t even know I’m there!  Oh, and a fully stocked vegan kitchen, of course).

As if the meet up gods had been waiting to grant my wish, Denise turned up in Jackson New Jersey the very next day, a mere forty minutes away from where I live!

“I wish I had known you were in town,” I comment on her Facebook Thread.

“We’ll be here until the morning,” Denise responds.

My mind begins to race.  It feels as if the opportunity to meet Denise has been placed right in front of me.  I think about meeting Denise and get giddy.  Denise has become a very special virtual friend to me.  Not only does she have a great blog, but she has been incredibly supportive of mine.  On top of that, we drink green smoothies together.  She joined my plank a day challenge.  She has a great sense of humor.  I always look forward to our chats on Facebook or Twitter. I imagine that meeting Denise will feel like a cross between visiting with a long lost friend and meeting a rock star. 

Denise and I message back and forth.  She will be heading out around 9:00 in the morning so my window to get out there for a quick hello will be early. 

I back into the time that Denise will be leaving her campground.  If she leaves by 9:00, then I should plan to arrive by 8:00, which means I need to leave my house by 7:00, since the forty minutes that I think it will take me to get to Jackson is really an hour (for some reason in my mind, everything is forty minutes away). 

Getting my kids into the car by 7:00 will be ugly.

I can’t get Miss F. to her bus stop by 8:25 and the bus stop is literally at the end of our driveway.  There is always something, a book she needs to find, a knot in her hair, a last minute trip to the bathroom, a change of clothing.  There are many mornings where she runs out of the house still brushing her teeth while the bus rolls down our street.

Her swim practices begin at 9:15 every morning a mile from where we live, and we have never once made it there on time.

I think about trying to get out of the house the next day by 7:00.  There will be drama and changes of clothing and the need to pack very large backpacks full of toys for the car trip, followed by runs to the bathroom, more changes of clothing, and an argument over shutting off the TV (which I never gave them permission to put on in the first place which leads to an even larger argument)  and we will get into the car at 7:45 instead of 7:00 because that’s just how it is, and we will get there with very little time to spare before Denise has to leave.  I also have concerns that this will take place on the morning after a swim meet that will end late at night.  Trying to wake up Miss F. the mornings after a swim meet is like trying to rouse a Chihuahua that has taken elephant tranquilizers.  A little voice tells me to that maybe I should leave well enough alone.

Then, I begin to ponder why mornings are so difficult, and I realize that I have three major liabilities when it comes to morning routine:

1)      I try to cram in a ton of tasks during the early morning hours, blogging, laundry, cleaning, paying bills, etc. and I lose track of time. 

2)      I assume that everything takes less time than it does. I think that I can get through a shower and drying my hair in ten minutes when in reality, it’s thirty.

3)      I have unrealistic expectations of my kids.  I assume that once I tell my kids to get dressed, I can walk away and return to whatever task I was doing, and that they will be self-motivated to do it.  Then, when I check back on them twenty minutes later, they’re still not dressed.  Clearly this is because I have not been around to reinforce the message.

I have to become honest with myself about what I can expect from my kids and where I need to pick up the morning slack.  If I can build more structure around my mornings, everyone will benefit and it will help us get out the door more easily on those days when not getting out the door means missing a great opportunity, like meeting Denise.  It may take some time to turn around our morning crazies, but the awareness I gained from my almost meet up with Denise is the first step in calming them.

Next time, Denise, I’ll be ready!

Namaste, Divas!

©2012 Ilene Evans

 According To Denise

 

Comments

My Almost Meet-Up With @acctodenise — 13 Comments

  1. If only you could see the huge grin on my face and glistening in my eyes. I am so very touched by this post! I wish we had gotten the chance to meet but I know we will. I am grateful for your friendship. You are inspiring and honest. The greatest Diva I ever almost met 🙂

  2. I have the exact same problem too. My expectations of me and my kids are way too high for the mornings, especially pre-caffeine or pre-green smoothie. I was so excited about our fantasy meet-up!! Seriously, we’ll have to make it happen one day. Come on! You’re in Jersey! I’m in Brooklyn! We should do it! 🙂

  3. I forgot to say that I have the same issues with mornings. I’m glad that you itemized them in a way that I can also learn a thing or two.

  4. I think this is just a sign that we come up with a half way point for all of us and put it on the calendar. I mean only WE can make this happen. I think it would give us all time to plan and we wouldn’t under estimate what it actually takes to get us there. As for my mornings, I have taken cue from my girls this summer that I need to slow down a bit and not say yes to so many last minute plans…no matter how amazing they sound. In the end, I stress so much about getting ready & out the door that I kill the mood for the day.
    I think sometimes my girls know way more than I do about how to live life to its fullest.

  5. First, I can totally comply with all of your requirements (which, by the way are right up their with the backstage demands of Mariah Carey;)
    1) I have instant espresso in the house
    2) The filter light on our water is red, is that OK?
    3) The guest room is to the left of the kids play room which is separate by a treadmill and 2 Ikea chairs
    4) We just bought some wood planks to put under the fold out mattress, so firm mattress is a go!
    5) I actually think we have synthetic down pillows! How about that?
    6) I just de-cluttered a nice space in our storage room. I have two yoga mats in there ready for you to downward dog!
    7) Wi-Fi= Check!
    8) Vegan kitchen? I have coconut milk and some apples.
    I guess I’ll be seeing you soon!
    FYI – To Christine. When we lived in Brooklyn we could see Jersey! I’ll be in Staten Island/Brooklyn in the coming months. Let’s all make a plan!

  6. I can relate to the stress of trying to get out the door killing the mood for the day. And I have such a huge part in creating that stress in my house! This incident really made me think.
    Seriously I would love to meet up. We will have to put our heads together. I am game for a lunch date in Philly, Delaware, whatever makes sense!

  7. The secret is out! I really am a Diva!
    Im not quite as impossible as I made myself out to be in this post. So long as there is coffee. Strong coffee 🙂
    Keep me posted on your trek to NY! Would love to meet you! If not then, one day soon.

  8. I love this post! I relate in every way and often find myself pushing and rushing the kids even though I hate to be pushed and rushed myself. And yes, I am an expert mood killer. My anxiety gets the best of me and I try to outrun it rather than breathe and think things through the way you did. Good work, mama! Thanks for the reminder and inspiration.

  9. The rushing in the morning is always a disaster. It’s hard to turn down something I really want to do, especially when it means meeting a person special to me.
    Side note, I’d really appreciate it if you can get an evening flight into Newark when you come to visit, but if that’s totally impossible, I will find a way to get there when you arrive 6am. Promise.