Finding The Fire


The end of 2012 hit with a bang – but not the kind of bang I

We were sick this week, the kids and I.  Like, “super sick.”  The little one spiked a fever so high on
Christmas night, that I was ready to drive her to the ER, until the Motrin, tepid
baths, and cool wash cloths lowered her temperature “just enough” that I knew
she was out of danger.  My older girl
followed suit the next day, and then I came down with a full blown version of
whatever they had which sent me begging my doctor for “any drug” that would
help me feel better.  I had a fever for
the second time in my adult life that I can remember,  my muscles ached, my lungs were on fire, and
any small task, such as getting up to go to the bathroom, took effort. 

I am someone who has been gifted with good health – no –
nearly perfect health – my entire life. Aside from a very slight case of scoliosis
in my lower spine and my “really bad” nearsightedness for which I wear
glasses/contact lenses, I am one of the healthiest people you will find.  Yes, I take good care of myself. I practice
yoga, I run, I eat a plant based diet, I don’t drink alcohol (very little, at
that) or eat processed sugar, I drink plenty of water and on most nights, get
enough sleep. And while I’d like to attest my good health to the aforementioned
good habits, there is more to good health than eating right and
exercising.  There’s genetics.  And there’s just plain luck.  I am one of the lucky ones.

The yogis, as well as many New Age thought leaders, such as
Louise Hay and Dr. Wayne Dyer, as well as a growing number of people in the
western medical community, like Dr. Jon Sarno, famed for his work in curing his
patient’s back problems by walking them through a program to help them own and
release their negative emotions, adhere to the philosophy that disease can be
traced to dis-ease, meaning we become physically ill when we are holding onto
destructive feelings. 

I have been a subscriber of this school of thought for
decades, but yoga teacher training brought it home for me, when we studied the
chakra system, at which time, every severe headache, sore throat, and stomach
ailment I ever had, suddenly correlated with my inability to connect with my
intuition (forehead – third eye), my difficulty in speaking up for myself (throat
– throat chakra – our “voice”), and a sense loss of personal power (stomach –
solar plexus chakra – our power center).

So, is this raging mother of a virus that I am slowly
recuperating from a sign of dis-ease? You bet. 
2012 began as a sweetheart of a year, and it’s ending with a big, “oh,
shit…” with me, the newly single mother, trying to hold it together
emotionally and financially  in one of
the most expensive states in the country while being home enough to parent my
kids. I have decisions to make. 
And while it would be easy for me to “play it safe,” and find ways to
“get by,” working my ass off to make other people rich (yes, folks, I have made
a career out of this), perhpas it’s time for me to bet on myself.        

M., A friend of mine, who I hold in the highest esteem,
posted about her year in running on Facebook last night and how through her
year, of running in the best of spirits and not so best of spirits, running
through beautiful days and dreary days, running when she wanted to run and when
she didn’t want to run, she found her fire, or her spirit, so to speak, and how
finding that fire has been transformational.

Along with the changes that summer brought for me, I lost touch
with my fire. I lost my connection to that fearless, kick butt, Fierce Diva.  My resolve for 2013 is to honor my fire every
day and hold it close, and to allow that fire to guide me to all of the
beautiful things that life has in store. 

Dear friends and readers, I wish the same for you.

Happy New Year ~ 
Namaste xo


Finding The Fire — 18 Comments

  1. oh Ilene. I’m so sorry that you all have been so sick. We’ve been battling something over here as well but not as bad. I HATE being sick as an adult. I do believe that our physical-mental-emotional health are all connected in a deeper way and so much is manifested in our physical bodies and in dis-ease. It’s been a big year for you – lots of changes and transitions, lots of things that you are holding up. My intention for 2013 is much along the same line – finding that fire again and honoring it. Happy New Year my friend. So ever grateful to have connected with you this year. xoxo

  2. Ilene, I know how awful it is to be sick, especially when you have kids to care for! I do believe that we get sick or injured hen we’re stressed, but I also believe in the power of viruses against our very human bodies. Anyway, being sick stinks, especially when there is so much going on!
    Interesting how you speak of fire and having lost touch with it.
    A couple of months ago I went to a yoga class where the teacher focused on building fire. Apparently I had too much fire in my life, because it brought up so much stuff that confused me. I need to learn to harness my fire this year and am going to try by believing in myself and shutting out the noise. I hope for both of us we can find re-newed energy and health and well-being in 2013.
    It’ll happen. 13 is a magical number! XX

  3. What a year it has been for you! My husband is always talking about Dr. Sarno, he’s a big fan.
    I haven’t thought much about 2013, except that it looks to be a busy year. I think I need to tame my fire just a bit and focus on the flame (if that makes sense?). I have a lot planned this year and don’t want my plans to roll out of control.
    Wishing you the best in 2013!

  4. Hoping you are feeling better!
    It’s funny … I’m generally a pretty well person, too, but I get sick almost every time we go on vacation. Right BEFORE vacation. It’s as if my body is telling me to slow down, to shut down, to rest. To treat my body better. And I take a long time to fully recover. It’s amazing what our bodies tell us, if we listen.
    Here’s wishing you a firey, fierce 2013.

  5. After all the trials and tribulations of 2012, I believe you’ll find your fire and then some. Only after we’ve been tested time and again by all the unexpecteds do we find a stronger version of ourselves. I look forward to following your journey Ilene and hope to share in some of that fierceness myself. Wishing you all the best this year and beyond. Feel better soon!

  6. Martha, I have to say you have a very legitimate point there – viruses are powerful against our very human bodies – despite how well I take care of mine or how in touch I am with my feelings – – right?
    Interesting how you had “too much of it” and here I am with too little – but yes, in Yoga – so much comes back to that “fire.”
    Best of luck harnessing yours and I expand on mine – cheers, lady!

  7. Ilene, I’m so sorry you and your children were struck down – I hate being sick too and it seems us mothers always get whammied doubly (or triply) worse.
    May you find your fire again and have a fabulous, fierce 2013.

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