I went seeking truth, the meaning of life, a higher
I wasn’t all that concerned with “chaturanga arms,” or
“warrior thighs” or any of the other accoutrements promised by westernized yoga
practitioners. I needed to get down to
Why are we here? Why
am I here? And what is the purpose of all of this?
I was at a midlife crossroads. On a treadmill for years of getting by, doing
OK, at certain times, being highly successful doing things that I did not love
to do. Things that fed my family but did
not feed my soul. I knew myself well enough to understand that I had lived a
life that had been propelled mostly by fear but still could not figure out how
to live any differently.
I knew that yoga teacher training would change my life – and
Did I find, “the truth?”
Not quite. Am I living on a “higher spiritual plane?” Not really. Yet, it rattled me –and it made me question
every single thing that until that point, I had easily accepted as “reality.”
More importantly, studying yoga taught me how to pause.
It has taught me how to pause those erratic fluctuations
that take over our thinking. And in that
pause, I have found space to create new belief systems and identify new ways to
look at old problems. It has taught me
how to physically pause, to stay in a yoga posture long enough to gain
awareness of my own body, from my left jaw to my little toe. It has taught me how to pause before starting
an argument or raising a voice to my children. It has taught me how to pause
before allowing words to come out of my mouth that could be hurtful.
It has taught me to be the observer. To watch events, or relationships as they
happen, and take in information without personalizing it.
It has taught me that sometimes, we need to pause physically
and recuperate, especially after a period of intense activity. I took a running pause for almost twelve
months after finishing my first marathon last year.
There are times when I have needed to take pauses with
And now, it is time for me to take a pause from my blog.
Not a long pause. Just long enough to review the past nine
months and decide where to go next.
I have some ideas for the new year that I’d like to iron
out. There will most definitely be a
regular highlight on local non-profits (thank you Jennifer Barbour for your
constant inspiration). Perhaps a regular
guest post spot? Most of all, it’s time
to circle back to the blog’s original mission –
one of love, strength, empowerment, and hope, and see how I can fortify
and expand upon that message.
I need time away to iron out some personal issues as well.
There are many things on my to-do list. There is the possibility of pursuing a
business on my own. There’s “the book” that I have talked about before on these
pages. And now suddenly, a whisper
rumbling up from my heart to try my hand at fiction …again.
Last week, Galit Breen wrote a stunning article about the
sweetness there is in the passions we pursue but at the same time, there is the
pain of letting go. When we choose one road, we need to mourn the possibilities
of what could have been had we chosen the other. Galit’s words resonated with me so. It is
time for me to review the possibilities, and undoubtedly, feel the ache of
having to say goodbye to that “something” that does not make my list.
I will be back the week of December 17th for a
guest post that I was thrilled and honored to accept – and I will be back again
on a regular basis shortly after that.
Because a pause is just that. It’s nothing more than a pause.
Love to all ~ Light to all