I
originally published this post back in May of 2012 but thought it would be fun to
revisit – especially after Martha and I shared some crushy ramblings over
Justin Timberlake last week.
What
first appears to be a cougar-y moment for me with a staggeringly young JT
look-alike is actually something more.
Read on…
HOW I WON THE HEART OF JUSTIN
TIMBERLAKE
I
knew I was staring but couldn't stop myself. He tapped his foot on the
floor to the rhythm of the music as he silently mouthed the words to the song,
with a slight exaggeration to his expression. He was completely into what
he was doing. He was adorable.
My
girlfriend was right. The DJ did look like Justin Timberlake.
Except the "real" JT was older by comparison. This kid could
not have been more than twenty-three? Twenty-four?
He provided the entertainment at the
First Holy Communion party for one of Miss F.’s friends, held at a banquet hall
tucked away in a quiet pocket of suburban New Jersey. I am feeling
particularly confident this afternoon, out of my yoga pants in
exchange for a little black dress with heels and a touch more mascara than
usual. I am gazing at the young JT, admiring his Justin Timblerlake-ness,
when he catches me in the stare and smiles.
I
hold his gaze, shrug, and smile back. I
am so busted.
He wanders over. "Your
daughter's quite a dancer," he says. "She's hasn't stopped
since the minute you got here."
“A
testament to the DJ, don’t you think?”
We chat. He talks about growing
up in the town where I now live, his day job, and his budding DJ business. He lives with his parents, and I detect
there's some embarrassment in that for him, as he justifies for me (or for
himself) that they have insisted he stay with them to save money. Within
a few minutes, he is called back to the DJ booth for work, but I have learned a
lot about him in that short amount of time.
JT is not the first younger man who
has engaged me in conversation. I've crossed paths with "JT’'s"
before, at parties or at bars, on the rare girl's night out. Believe me,
I'm no "cougar." I am more approachable than I am
attractive, and that's just it. I'm easy to talk to. Plus, I
am a good listener, an excellent listener, and when I listen to you, it's with
full concentration. I'm not checking my phone for the score of a game or
to see what's new on Twitter while you talk to me. I am engaged in the
conversation. Listening with full concentration is a lost art form.
We are all multitasking, even during what should be the most intimate moments.
To the JT’'s of the world, I am the
"cool aunt" to whom they can pour out their hearts without
judgment. And because they're not trying to pick me up, there is no
pressure on them to impress me. I remember how difficult my 20's
were. I relate to them with empathy. I provide reassurance, praise,
where appropriate, and only offer advice if asked.
People want to be heard. We
need to be heard. It's part of being human. If you want to win the
heart of anyone, all you have to do is listen. It's that simple.
Namaste
How are you at listenting?
Where else to
find me:
Such a sweet story…and for a minute, I really wondered if the big reveal was going to be that it was actually JT!! 😉
Stopping by from SITS
I love this story. And maybe they don’t just approach you because you’re a good listener, maybe it’s because you’re a hottie 😉 At least you know the options are there if you ever fancy a trip into cougar town lol
I’m a good listener, too! And, you are far too modest … you were WAY more than the cool aunt!
p.s. some people don’t like the whole idea of “cougars” with “younger men”… but you know what? The next time I go out on a date… I’m putting on something cute and aiming young! Yes. I. Am. :).
I never thought of it that way that they might see us older women as safe to talk to. lol
Oh, that would have been a WONDERFUL big reveal! Maybe for my next JT story? At least one cougar can only hope….
Melissa, you are a total sweetheart – although by saying that, it does kind of blow my theory on why the young JT chose to talk to me.
Although I will graciously accept the compliment all the same. How nice to meet you!
Oh, Martha! You go! I cant WAIT to hear about that date of yours 🙂
Tess, about a year and a half ago, before the JT incident, a recent college grad chatted me up at a local nightclub for a very long time. He was completely lost with what to do next now that his education was over and seriously, just needed someone to talk to. I am 100% convinced that he chose me because I was safe. It was the kind of discussion that he may have hesitated to have with his male friends, in fear of seeming too vulnerable – and probably not the kind of talk he would have had with a girl he wanted to date in fear of seeming like he lacked confidence. He didnt need to impress me and I am certain that he was not trying to pick me up. Being safe is not a bad trait to have, I suppose!
OK, I love this and not just because I totally have a crush on JT too. You are absolutely right that the art of listening is a lost art form. We’re so distracted all the time! But that feeling of being listened to? Really listened to? Nothing like it. PS – totally agree with Martha that you are more than just a cool aunt.
I swear I fall in love with anyone who actually listens to me – man or woman! Because it’s so rare to have someone who is genuinely interested in what you have to say! And, oh, you, I’m blushing at being thought of than more than the “cool aunt.”
Oh, whatever, Ilene. He also talked to you because he liked what he saw! He didn’t know you were a good listener until he walked over, right? 🙂
Oh, whatever, Jennifer. In a very specific type of light perhaps he liked what he saw?
Clearly I suck at taking a compliment – and this comment feed has been a love fest today.
I could kind of get used to it, I guess! Thanks for the kind words!
I can be a good listener, but I’m told that I”m not approachable at all, so it’s fairer to say that I’m a good listener to those close to me.
Listening, really listening, is a lost art. No wonder you’re so loved, you make people feel heard and important. That’s awesome!
Not only is that fair but thats a gift to them. Hey, Im glad to be a good listener to the guy at the bar, but lets face it. Its my kids and my family and my friends that really count in the department of listening.
Alison, that is so sweet of you to say. You know, I really do love just about everyone, but if I can actually make them feel loved while loving them – and do that through listening – thats even better.
I love this post, and I agree with you, some people are just more approachable, more genuine and better listeners than others. I think personally I can be either way, I can be a very good listener most of the time, but if I’m preoccupied chances are I won’t hear a word you say. Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting yesterday! I look forward to hearing more from you!
I am a great listener and do believe it’s a lost art. You are an incredibly warm and loving woman, but you also happen to be hot. Just saying … JT, Jr. noticed you from the second you walked in to that party. Your genuineness and willingness to listen were a bonus! Not a doubt in my being, Diva. JT (1) and Jr. don’t know what they’re missing! xo
I love these old posts – this is such a great story, well told!
It was great to meet you! Like I said before, how can I not love someone who have been to a yoga rave! A yoga rave – for crying out loud – who knew?
I take that as a huge compliment coming from you – given I have you up on a pretty high pedestal. Although I must say that a well fitting black dress and mascara work wonders for me 🙂 Listening is so important – right? I think if everyone tried a little harder to do just that, there would be a lot more love in the world!
I can tell you are a good listener from your comments on my posts. I think I am a good listener since I usually have a house full of kids usually sitting at my table talking to me. I have to agree with some of the above readers, you are selling yourself short. He was absolutely hitting on you. You are beautiful, my friend.
I may have to screen shot this comment thread and print it out – so whenever I am lacking in confidence, I can look at all of these incredibly thoughtful comments. And you are a good listener as well – for the same reasons you have given to me. Every time we talk on comment threads together, I feel like we are sitting across from each other having a coffee and chatting. xo
I love that and I agree. 🙂
Listening is so important and one of the most attractive traits a person can have 🙂
I totally agree – man or woman – I love people who listen!
This happens to me all the time. Not just JTs, but people in general. People do like to talk. We just need to listen more. My husband is always baffled at the way complete strangers will pour their hearts out within 5 minutes of meeting me. It used to make wonder what I did to elicit the behavior, but now I know it’s just b/c I genuinely care and take a few minutes to show it. It make me realize that we just don’t do it enough or else all those strangers wouldn’t be so hungry for the attention. (I feel a blog post brewing…)
Adrienne, I have the same experience – not just with young Justin Timberlake look likes! People want to be heard and I am willing to do that in a genuine way. And it sounds like you are too. In the end, I that’s a great trait that the two of us have!
LOVE this. That is very true. At the core, people really just want to be heard. I think many associate listening or being heard to being valued. When you listen (and respond) it appears that what someone is saying is important to you. I get that a lot, too. I’m still in my 20s but I’ve been told I have an old soul. Young and old come up to me and bare their souls – even guys! Curse and a blessing I guess. I listen and offer whatever useful and sound advice I can. That’s all we can do.
I agree you have an old soul – just in the short time that I’ve known you I can totally see that! And I am not surprised that you have been tagged as a listener as well – It’s interesting how some of us send out that vibe that we are willing to listen to others – but it’s a good thing. A gift.