Today, I'm trading in my Doc Martens and skull cap for a cocktail dress and stilettos and setting the table with fine China and crystal, as
I welcome my first guest blogger. If you have
not yet met Christine from Love Life Surf, you’re in for a real treat.
Christine was my first friend in the blogosphere so it’s
only fitting that I’ve invited her to be my first guest here on this page.
I’m also pretty certain that Christine was the first person
to ever leave a comment on one of my posts.
If you’re a blogger and if you remember what being new was
like, then you know full well how much that comment meant to me.
Christine is a fascinating lady and an amazing friend and I
have enjoyed being a witness to her words and her journey.
Relax. Have a drink. Latte? Martini? Green smoothie anyone? Please help me give Christine a warm welcome.
###
I'm
so honored that Ilene has welcomed me to her home today. Ilene's writing and
insights are powerful. She has a way of being so patient, self-aware and
deliberate in her observations and in her journey, and then weaves words
together that express it so perfectly. Plus, she always gives me a good
kick-in-the-pants when I need it.
One
of those kicks-in-the-pants came in her blogoversary
tribute. I was caught off-guard when she described me as an adventuresome
spirit. It's funny to hear myself described like that because it's probably one
of the last adjectives I would use to describe myself. I'm usually the one
who is hiding in the corner, willing to let others dive head first into
something while I quietly observe.
For
the longest time, I hated being the one who would sit in that corner. I cursed
my introverted nature. I wanted to get rid of and overcome my fear. I
wanted to be fearless.
If
I were fearless, I could be the one out front leading the pack instead of
always following along.
If
I were fearless, I could be the one singing out loud at the top of my lungs.
If
I were fearless, I could paddle into the ocean / tip my skis over the edge of a
mountain / fly up into a handstand without a trace of trepidation or
self-doubt.
If
I were fearless, I could live life with each of my five senses peaked to their
fullest rather than constantly calculating pros, cons and risks.
While
I wanted to be fearless, I didn't necessarily want to face my
fears. At least not head on. However, over the past few years, I've been in
situations where I have had to face my
fears and I have watched my
children face their fears. It has been through those experiences that I
have learned the most about myself and that have helped me grow.
I
realized something. I don't actually want to live a life without fear. Sounds
crazy, I know, but I don't believe that the point is to eliminate fear. Yes,
sitting with fear can often bring up yucky, funky feelings. However, sometimes,
it's sitting with those yucky, funky feelings that the real learning happens.
“Fear
is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot let it paralyze me.” –
Isabel Allende
I
believe the point is to recognize the presence of fear, look it in the eye, and
understand how creates obstacles and holds you back. The point is to learn how
to control your fear so that you can learn and grow from the experience and
move forward. Through facing my fears, I have found a bit more wiggle room
in my life. I have opened up room to allow for a bit more joy and love to enter
and fill the spaces.
How
do you manage your fears?
Christine
is a mom of two boys, a runner, yogi and fitness lover who is a little bit
obsessed with surfing. She lives in New York City with her two sons and
husband. She blogs at Love, Life, Surf
where she shares her love of fitness and stories about her experiences as a mom
trying to balance, work, family, fitness and healthy living. Connect her on Twitter, Facebook,
Instagram and Pinterest.
I’ll take a green smoothie and offer a warm welcome! 🙂 My fear is of failure, or being a let-down… I just have to remind myself that sometimes we have to fail to know how to fix things. I don’t like to be a disappointment, not to my husband, my parents, my daughter (and future children). I fear that I won’t give it all while I can.
Thanks Stephanie! I have very similar fears and the fear of disappointment definitely drives a lot of my thoughts and actions. But what I think I’ve learned is that without facing those fears and maybe disappointing someone, I won’t know if I’m actually giving it my all.
So many worthwhile pursuits start with fear, but when you overcome it, you are rewarded with experiences and wisdom that you can’t get any other way.
Fantastic post!! So glad you shared it here!! –Lisa
Wow, great post! Being ruled and somewhat tortured by fear for most of my life makes me forget that without that fear, I wouldn’t have taken the steps necessary to get me where I am right now, which is a pretty solid place. Thanks to you Christine for making that distinction and thank you Ilene for inviting this amazing guest to your page. Love it! 🙂
Ahhh, the sweetness of those first comments! “OMG, SOMEONE ACTUALLY REPLIED TO SOMETHING I WROTE!! SQUEEEE!
Thanks for having Christine share your space today, Ilene. Good food for thought here!
I think there’s lots we can do about our fears. We can always hide in the corner, but I can say unequivocally that never worked for me, especially since I did it for about the first 30 years of my life. I blame that darn Chihuahua of Fear that I thought was a Doberman 🙁
Friends and loved ones can be so helpful. They support us, encourage us, and help us back up when we fall. They especially can reflect back to us our true selves, just as you did, Ilene, in describing Christine as having an adventuresome spirit. I lean on my family and on my faith to help me face my fears. I also am reminded to look back at how far I’ve actually come, at the hurdles I have crossed, as incentive to keep going, and to remember that none of it killed me. 🙂
first I ADORE CHRISTINE.
shes smart and insightful and makes me think EVERY TIME I READ HER WORDS.
I live pretty much fearlessly.
Which after I reread that sentence makes me sound….crazy? but it’s all within boundaries.
Ive just lost so many loved ones along the way that any other approach to live simply doesnt feel like living…
I love this post. Christine always has such inspiring words. I also loved reading about how you guys came to know each other. I have a dear friend that I met through blogging very similarly.
I LOVE this. Cheers to your first guest blogger. This message is so incredibly on point. I especially love the last sentence where she says fear has opened her up to more joy…. Earlier this week Danielle LaPorte talked about happiness vs. joy. Many strive to be happy but “happy” is a passing feeling. Joy is what we have – or at least strive to – always, which allows us to get through trying times but still be thankful, feel “full” and express gratitude for having life at all. Thank you for sharing this, Christine.
Two of my very favorite people in one place! Christine, you know how I am with my fear of swimming. I hate swimming in the open water, but I know it has to be done.
I can so identify with your words. Life is never an absence of fear. I’ve learned to press ahead to into them. The problem now is with my children. Nothing a mother can do or say can convince them of the same. When they run the other way or hide – it hurts me. But they have to learn to not be held back — on their own.
Christine always has great insights to share! I am a big chicken in some areas, so this is great advice to take to heart.
HI there!! I love your philosophy of fear. I think I’m somewhere between the two. Sometimes, you have to just manage a fear, but I’m far more likely to deal with that mofo so it isn’t out there intimidating me.
Fear is so powerful it can truly direct and dominate our life choices and this post is such a lovely insight into how fear can be used for good. SO nice to meet you Christine!! I know that without fear in my life, although the journey would be so much easier, it wouldn’t be as rich and I certainly wouldn’t be as strong.
Love this. I really think it’s important to face fear rather than run away from it. That’s how we get ahead, right?
Great thoughts! I know exactly what you mean by having this feeling that if I could just get past my own thoughts I could do some great things…it’s a process I get better at each year, but what a great reminder.
Yes! I read that post from Danielle this week too and it has made me think more about the distinction between happy and joy. I hadn’t thought about it that way (and wrote this post before reading her words). Thank you for reading.
You’re so right, Christine… it’s not about removing fear. Fear can be a helpful tool to teach us about ourselves, help us push back our limits and provides all the more satisfaction when we do those things that scare us. It’s an ongoing balance, how to live with fear but not be controlled by it. Really enjoyed your reflections!
So great to see Christine here! I relate to your words so much, Christine. I think a little fear is a good thing – it can be a motivator to try our best or something that helps us learn more about ourselves or the world in general. I am more fearful of some things than others – it all depends on the situation.
Some of my very favorite moments have come from pushing through the fear. I’m glad that you are embracing that fear will always find a way into your mind or heart but that you are strong enough to push through too. It may take time for all of us to get through our fears but on the other side…it is absolutely amazing!
So happy to see you hear. It honestly made me say “yay” verbally when I saw the FB status!
Lisa, you are so right with that. If you face the fear and “do it anyway,” we are always rewarded handsomely!
Maribel, I don’t know if you have met Christine before, have you? I think you guys would hit it off well. I love making matches and both of you are awesome in ways that are alike – at least in my eyes. 🙂
Kim, you are so right in that it’s nice to have people around us who see us for who we really are and who can remind us of who we are when we can’t see ourselves clearly. And as you know, I loved your post yesterday on fear. It’s just a tiny little dog after all!
I love your approach, Carla. And when you look at things that way, what really is there to be afraid of?
Christine has always inspired me too! And yes, one of the cherries on top of blogging for me has been meeting the most wonderful people – and she was that first very special friend to me. Now that’s something to be grateful for!
And two of my favorites in one place, you and Christine! This is such a great day! It’s a total love fest!
Jamie, you are so right. And I don’t know if you have had this thought as well, but I know I have to press ahead despite my fears in order to show my kids that it can be done, even when I’m literally shaking in my boots, I just have to keep going.
I agree, that Christine is a wise one! I feel so lucky to know her!
Reminds me of Brene Brown and her research on vulnerability (which is a kind of fear right?). Sometimes you have to force yourself out of that box and be vulnerable. But at the same time, it’s those vulnerabilities that make life great. I clearly don’t paraphrase as well as she said it, but it’s an evolving balance of sorts.
Ilene – great choice for your first guest blogger! Christine – your words here are vulnerable and profound and exactly what I need to hear today. Sitting with the fear and feeling all the uncomfortable accompanying feelings is the hardest work I’m ever called to do. Thank you for putting words to the process – beautiful, inspiring words. Well done!
Thank you Lisa! And yes, you are definitely right. I think that the lessons that we learn as a result of pursuing are fears are priceless.
Thank YOU Maribel. I feel very similarly – I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much fear has dictated my actions, sometimes in a good way and sometimes in not such a good way but all have gotten me to where I am now.
And Ilene – I’ve read a couple of Maribel’s posts and loved them. I need to read more!
Oh yes Kim – for the first 30+ years of my life I thought that fear was a big Doberman too! Having friends and family to lean on and the ability to reflect back on our experiences really is so valuable. We’re often so mired in the details that we can see how far we really have come.
xoxo I adore that you live fearlessly. You encourage me to live more fearlessly.
Thank you Heather! It is funny how blogging has brought so many amazing people into our lives. I never would have believed it before I started blogging. We do have an amazing community.
And you know how I feel about open water swimming too! Maybe one day we’ll go swim in the ocean together?
I think that my kids definitely are one reason that I’ve been more apt to face my fears – to show them and set an example. It’s definitely hard watching your kids be afraid of something but when they do manage to look their fear in the eye and do something they never thought possible, the look in their eye is so very worth it.
I agree – it isn’t always about overcoming a fear. I think that a big part of it is acknowledging the fear and having a healthy respect for it too. What I am working on is learning to manage my fears so that it doesn’t control me.
So nice to meet you too Chris! Ilene has raved about you. Fear does make for a richer experience, doesn’t it? It forces me to get to my core and my values and it really helps me learn how to continue to push forward.
Absolutely – it is how we continue to move forward. It’s hard but I find that when I don’t run away from it, I’m able to take a leap forward instead of a baby step.
Oh man, my thoughts always get in my way! I too am getting a little bit better in quieting the negative voices and in learning how to get out of my own way. Definitely a work in progress!
Thanks Laura. It’s really something that I’ve come to realize over the past year or so. Fear definitely shows us where are limits are but they also show us what we are truly capable of achieving. And it’s so satisfying when we do move past those barriers.
Thank you Kim! It’s so nice to be here today and ilene has been a fabulous host. Fear is a funny thing and I find that it definitely does depend on the situation but I’ve learned to accept it as a tool in my toolbox rather than something to run away from.
I love being here today. Truly honored. You know what made me think about this more, aside from learning to surf? Divergent. I know. I’m obsessed but there was something Four said that the point wasn’t to be fearless but to learn to control it so you could be free from it and that’s really stuck with me.
A friend of mine was just telling me about Brene Brown and telling me that I had to watch her TED videos and read her book. It definitely is an evolving balance and fear and vulnerability are definitely similar. I definitely want to read/watch her stuff.
Thank you Mary. Sitting with those yucky uncomfortable feelings really is no fun and is freaking hard. But that’s often where the growth occurs, right?
You are so right fear is inevitable, it is how we deal with it that is important. Love that photo of you and your boys! Such a cute family!
Great post! I LOVE that quote because so often I AM paralyzed with my fears. I sit with them and let them get so big in my head. Sometimes I’ll face them head on and amazingly, squash them in order to move forward. Sometimes they leave me stuck in the same place until they fade to the background and I can move forward again until they resurface. Some fear is inevitable with the life I have been given. Living with two boys battling an incurable disease lends itself to A LOT of fear so I have to do a lot of pushing away or squashing. I wish I were fearless, too. I wish I were an adventureous spirit. Maybe in my old age? 🙂
I’ve always believed in looking fear in the face. If we don’t face our demons and challenges, we run from them. And to truly become stronger and move forward we have to overcome what’s holding us down or back. Great post!
Fear is inevitable, right? I love Christine’s message to forge through it anyway!
You have some challenges that I know would have me living in fear – but you know what AM, you are also really good at celebrating the joy and the every day, despite the circumstances you have been given. Like me, you love out loud and you remind me every day to love my kids out loud and to be grateful for every moment I have them with me.
I love Christine’s message. Because we really can’t just go around it and running the other way won’t help us move forward. Like you said, we need to face it and go!
How about with a cup of coffee? Someone forgot to tell my internal alarm clock it was the weekend!
Great post. I sit with my fears for awhile before I can work up the courage to face them.
Glad I cam across this post especially on a cozy spring noon. Thanks Ilene for introducing Christine.
What I have realized over years is that fear brings out the best in you. Facing fears is not easy but we do easy everyday.. Plus the happiness that engulfs you after you have overcome that is really a big boost. I fully agree with how you inferred Lisa’s comment: “Do it Anyway”
Great Post
Oh I feel like I have so many fears! I dealt with my fear of driving in big cities (like NYC) by getting GPS. With swimming in the ocean, I try not to think about what’s under the water. I can only do it for so long though and then I just have to get out! I don’t know if I really and truly face any of them, but at least I can manage them in certain ways!
I’ll take some coffee right along with you! I think it’s fine to sit with fears while we decide the best way to work through them. I do this often…and then hopefully, at some point, we move!
Oh, Clair! I love the POV that fear brings out the best in you! I think it can if we let it!
I have a fear of driving in NYC too – even with a GPS! Driving through New York is a blood sport! The only way I can manage that fear is to take public transportation! I manage a lot of fears too and yet am beginning to segue into facing them and doing certain things anyway. And honestly, if you swim in the ocean despite your fear of it, you are doing the same!
Great post, Christine.
I have plenty of fears that take more space in my brain than they should be allowed. I wonder what I would fill my extra space with it I got rid of those fears? I love that quote. WE can have fears, we just can’t let them stop us. (paraphrasing obviously. I’m too lazy to scroll back up.)