The Green Ribbon

Months ago, Miss F. told me she wanted to be on the summer swim team, sponsored by our town pool.     Miss F. wants to try everything, which is good and bad, when you’re her mother.     “You have to go to practice every morning, “ I warn.  “And practice starts early.”    “That’s fine, she says,” shrugging nonchalantly.     “You’re not just splashing around the pool playing.  You’re swimming laps.  It’s tiring.”   “Mommy I know that,” she responds, getting annoyed. “You’re treating me like a baby!”  Then came the first day of practice.  When it was over, she dragged … Continue reading

Love Letters

It was the second phone call in a week from Miss F's teacher to discuss her defiant behavior.  Miss F was born defiant, I want to explain.  She could not be sleep trained. She would not allow me to put her down, ever, in a bouncy chair, Exercauser, or swing.  I learned to perform all household and personal tasks, from checking email to stir frying tofu,  with Miss F nestled in a sling against my chest.  She "ran away" for the first time, at the age of four, leaving me in the complicated position of having to leave a two-year … Continue reading

I Steal Cars

"Why do you want to take my car?"  he asked. I could tell by his tone that he was uneasy with the request. "Mine does better on gas," I replied.  We were on a tight budget.  My econo-box got at least fifteen miles more per gallon than my husband's full sized SUV.  When my husband started commuting to school once a week last September, it made sense for him to take the car that was more economical on the road.   "All right, where are your keys," he responded.  He wasn't convinced this was a good idea. I remember that … Continue reading

Fierce Thinking

"Happy" is not my default temperament.  As a matter of fact, I spent years and thousands of dollars in therapy seeking it, with the hopes that the person sitting opposite my couch would help me find that one "great insight" that would shine the light on ever-after contentment.   While my work in therapy did not afford me "happily ever after,"  it led to a self awareness of my destructive personality/behavior patterns (i.e., my "low self esteem" leads me to pick unavailable men, my "fear of failure" keeps me in low-paying, dead-end jobs , etc.)  Self awareness is helpful,  but it … Continue reading