Category Archives: Happiness is an Inside Job

Thirty Years and One Day

Posted on by

  “Where’s my cell phone?  Have you seen my cell phone?” He looked at me with vague recognition as he gripped the edges of the overbed table and turned his torso with effort. “Don’t strain,” I said, “I’ll help you find it.” I searched through the nightstand and standard issue bedspread, reeking of bleach and staleness and under a chair.  And as I brought my head back up from the floor to meet his, it dawned on him. “It’s you.” With folded arms he turned away. He didn’t want me there.  I knew he didn’t want me there, but I … Continue reading →

My Week in Laundry

Posted on by

  There were two piles in the middle of the floor, one dirty that needed to be washed, and one clean that needed to be folded and put away. I’m always behind on the laundry, this week no exception. Early on Saturday, with coffee in hand, I began to sort through the piles, four clean loads lying on top of each other in one basket, and four days of dirty in the other. I pulled out the shirt Miss F. wore when we had harsh words before school Tuesday morning, where I, in a terrible mood, said regrettable things, things … Continue reading →

I Am Me

Posted on by

  “First time? For real?“ “First time,” he says cracking a tentative smile. “Dude! Awesome,” I shout as I give him a high five. “What about you girls in the back?” I ask as I return to the front of the room. I look at a cluster of young women sitting in the back, who I guess to be in their 20’s. “Second class,” the one in the corner says. “Second class ever?” She nods. “This is the best night!” I say slamming the palm of my hand on the floor.  “I’m so happy you’re here!” I am sitting on … Continue reading →

I Will Say Yes

Posted on by

  I believe in the impossible. Thanks to running. Running has taught me that the impossible starts with one step followed by another step and then another until you run your first mile or ten or 26. When you run a marathon, especially your first, you have no choice but to believe. You have to believe. You have to say yes, even if you’re unsure, because there’s no way to do this thing, even for one moment, if you say no. The impossible starts with saying “yes” and taking your first step. And while at first this “yes,” was about … Continue reading →

Facing Fears and Finding Freedom

Posted on by

  Today, I'm trading in my Doc Martens and skull cap for a cocktail dress and stilettos and setting the table with fine China and crystal, as I welcome my first guest blogger.  If you have not yet met Christine from Love Life Surf, you’re in for a real treat.   Christine was my first friend in the blogosphere so it’s only fitting that I’ve invited her to be my first guest here on this page. I’m also pretty certain that Christine was the first person to ever leave a comment on one of my posts. If you’re a blogger … Continue reading →

Play for Her

Posted on by

  “Today’s the day,” he said, as he stood next to my mat. “Today?” “Come on, let’s go,” he said, not giving me a chance to change my mind.  “Clasp your fingers behind your head.”I placed the crown of my head on my mat and clasped my fingers together as he had instructed.    “Kick your legs up.” I kicked my legs up into his hands and he lifted them straight into the air.  He held my ankles, firmly at first, then lightly, and then he let go of his grip entirely. My legs began to sway back and forth. “Don’t talk yourself out of it,” … Continue reading →

The In-Between

Posted on by

  I’m late. As usual.   I run to the car, without the time to second guess combining the thick black rimmed glasses with the billowy skirt and the sturdy black boots.  I wonder if my boss questions what happened to that woman who showed up to interview, in the urban chic business attire, the patent leather heels, and the straightened, shiny hair,  which today, piles onto my shoulders, bigger than usual, thanks to the slight bit of damp on this cool spring morning. It’s spring break week, my work schedule at the mercy of friends willing to take my … Continue reading →

Dear Supreme Court

Posted on by

  Dear Supreme Court,   I’m not coming to you today as a human rights activist or a gay rights activist or as a liberal. Rather, I’m coming to you as a highly flawed individual who has failed at my 11-year marriage.   As a heterosexual woman in the middle of a divorce, I’m asking you to recognize marriage equality. Because in my belief, any two people who are willing to a make marriage work, should have one. Marriage is hard. And if you must know, it’s been too hard for me to figure out so far in this lifetime. … Continue reading →

How to Trash a Vet’s Office in 30 Seconds

Posted on by

    “Mom, if I ate 50 hot dogs, how much would I poop?” “Dude, can we talk about this later?” “It would be like fifty times the poop I make now, right?” “Stop,” I mutter.  I eye Dr. S. apologetically as she works on Dolly. “It’s ok,” she says.  I have boys. She kneads the dog’s belly. “It might be intestinal. I’m going to take some x-rays.” Dr. S. whisks the tiny shih tzu out of the exam room and down the hallway.  The dude and the two girls spill into the waiting area and run around in circles.  … Continue reading →

Love and Taxes

Posted on by

“A.” worked at a desk on the ground floor with a stack of paper 1040’s to his right.  He wore a business suit and tie.  I took him to be around 80. I had gotten his name from my mother, as in years past, he and my stepfather worked side by side offering free tax preparation assistance at the public library. I had been hiding from my tax returns this year.  Fortunately, during the days when I made money, I had the good sense not to spend all of it on vacations and designer handbags and put some away.   … Continue reading →