Tag Archives: divorce

A Modern Family Christmas

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I thought the story would be the nose ring.  I was almost certain I knew my mother’s reaction.  I heard her, as I sat in the back room of the Wilmington tattoo parlor, after I felt the needle pierce my skin, go, “Oh , darling, why did you do that to your nose?” Yes, I know.  Women my age are taking out their nose rings, not putting them in.  Correction.  Women my age took out their nose rings ten, if not twenty – years ago.  I was prepared for the inquisition as to why, her daughter, a responsible adult, with … Continue reading →

Modern Family: Jersey Edition

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S. stood outside the driver’s side window. “Are you driving?”  He shouted through the glass. “Do you want me to?” “No.” I’m not surprised by this. In our 16 years of knowing each other, I can count the times I was behind the wheel with S. as a passenger. I jump out of the car and walk around to the passenger side and get in, while S. adjusts the mirrors. “It’s dirty in here.  Sorry about that,”  I say, as S. inspects the car that was once his, the car he’ll tell you I stole, but it was a fair … Continue reading →

Modern Family

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“Are there any Jewish people here?” My mother asks, over her vanilla yogurt and Swiss cheese sandwich. “I think there are a few in the gated community up the road,” I say, clearing dishes off the table. “Well that’s a relief,” my mom says.  “How did you hear?” “The Jews have secret smoke signals down here, Mom, ones that the Klan don’t recognize.” “Ilene…” my ex-husband says.  It’s the warning call, the one where he tells me to back off.  Just the use of the word Klan is feeding into my mother’s fear that I’ve moved myself and her grandchildren … Continue reading →

My Aha Moment from #BlogHer’13: Thank You Sheryl Sandberg

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I could feel the woman in the seat next to me stiffen as she tapped her trim, pink nails against her Kindle.  Crying makes people uncomfortable, especially when they’re sitting next to you on an airplane.  I had tried to keep quiet about things, face the window and go about my cry in silence, but it’s a cramped space on a plane.  It’s hard to remain an anonymous crier. I cry on airplanes often when I fly alone.  I’m out of my element when airborne, out of the place where I feel the need to be strong and composed.  On … Continue reading →

Must Love Dogs

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I didn’t want her to throw me a party. I thought I’d slip out of town quietly.  I’d say my goodbyes, of course, but without fanfare, one at a time, on the phone, at lunch, over coffee. The farewell party that Q. insisted she throw for me felt over the top. It felt emotional. Maybe it’s because there were so many people dear to me all in one place.  These were the friends I shared my best times with, and they were the friends who saw me through the worst.  They were the ones who got me through the year … Continue reading →

In Defense of Ex-Husbands

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  **Before I write one word here, let me begin by saying, that today, my heart belongs to Boston.  I send my condolences and prayers to all who were affected by yesterday’s tragedy. And, for those of us who have been gifted with life for one more day, never forget that we are here to live, and use up every inch of the space that we have been given.  So, dammit, go out and live. ** ### If you had asked me “what happened” a year ago, the answer wouldn’t have been the same. It would have been fueled with emotions, … Continue reading →

The In-Between

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  I’m late. As usual.   I run to the car, without the time to second guess combining the thick black rimmed glasses with the billowy skirt and the sturdy black boots.  I wonder if my boss questions what happened to that woman who showed up to interview, in the urban chic business attire, the patent leather heels, and the straightened, shiny hair,  which today, piles onto my shoulders, bigger than usual, thanks to the slight bit of damp on this cool spring morning. It’s spring break week, my work schedule at the mercy of friends willing to take my … Continue reading →

Dear Supreme Court

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  Dear Supreme Court,   I’m not coming to you today as a human rights activist or a gay rights activist or as a liberal. Rather, I’m coming to you as a highly flawed individual who has failed at my 11-year marriage.   As a heterosexual woman in the middle of a divorce, I’m asking you to recognize marriage equality. Because in my belief, any two people who are willing to a make marriage work, should have one. Marriage is hard. And if you must know, it’s been too hard for me to figure out so far in this lifetime. … Continue reading →

Finding Infinity

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The fall was a blur.  Suddenly, there was one of me, and one of me to get everything done that used to get done by two.  There were the logistics of running a house, paying for a house, and being the 24/7 parent for my children, with little to no down time.   In the back of my mind, I knew there were “big decisions” that needed to be made, yet, I promised myself in the heat of my finding my footing, that I would put off those decisions until January.  The one crusade that I had decided upon was being … Continue reading →