The theme of the workshop was forgiveness.  30 of us squeezed into the tiny space, at the studio where I had decided to do my teacher training.  At that time, I knew very few of the “regulars” there, and had randomly sat next to D., through three hours of postures and breathing designed to rid us of negative emotion.

It was a moment in my life where I felt bitter.  Things had not gone “the way they were supposed to.”  Despite my not believing in holding onto anger, I had been grasping tightly to mine, and it was hurting me, preventing me from moving forward. I knew it was time to let go. Yet, I needed help getting that message from my head to my heart. 

I had noticed her from the corner of my eye while we practiced.  She was beautiful, radiant.  Perhaps she was my age, if not a few years older. She repositioned herself several times to make room for the crowded bodies on the floor.   As focused as she was on the instructor, she never minded shifting her focus to make sure that the others around her were comfortable.

At the end of the workshop, she grabbed my hands.   “This felt so powerful!”  she exclaimed.  “Did you feel it, too?”

“Profound…”  I murmured, experiencing what I can only describe as a “yoga high.” I felt light, clear, as if I had finally let go of a heaviness I had carried with me for a long time. 

She looked me in the eye.  “I can tell it helped you.  You look so peaceful.”  

“I’m D.,” she offered.  “Do you take classes here?”

“Sometimes,” I replied.  “I’m doing my teacher training here in January, so I’ll be taking more classes here in the months to come. ”   

She gasped. “Oh my gosh.  I knew you were a teacher!”

“Well, not yet.”

“No. You’re a teacher.  That’s who you are.  This has been waiting for you.  And now is the right time.” 

“Thank you,” I replied, not knowing what else to say. She seemed so convicted that I belonged there, in that world, a mighty contradiction from my uncertainty over the path I had chosen.

D. is a yoga teacher too, and I have taken many classes with her since that initial meeting. She is an extraordinary teacher, but not because of the information she shares or the way she sequences postures.  When you are in her presence, you feel as if something wonderful is happening. When you are in her presence, you cannot help but believe in your own potential.  When you are in her presence, you feel love, because in every room she enters, that’s what she brings. 

I have many goals, long term and short term.  I battle time, I battle fear, I battle my own demons, and if I am lucky, I will overcome my “stuff” long enough that I will have the potential to accomplish them. 

But every time I am in the presence of D., I am reminded that my most important goal has nothing to do with the marathons or the number of page views on my blog or my “following” as a yoga teacher.  The highest goal for me, and perhaps all of us, is to love. 

Love is more than a feeling.  Love is an action.  And this is quite often where I fall short. Love is listening and helping and making time for. It’s using kind words, and letting people be who they are without trying to fix them.  It’s patience.  It’s giving without expectations.  It’s being willing to forgive, like I was the day that I met D., because even if you can’t bring yourself to love the person who hurt you, I hope you love yourself enough to let go of the anger.  Because anger never, ever helps us move forward. 

I want to learn to love more.  I am so very grateful to have D. as a guide.

Namaste, Divas!

©2012 Ilene Evans

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