If there is one Fierce Diva cardinal rule of finances, it is that Fierce Divas never, EVER spend beyond their means. This holds especially true if you are stretching beyond your budget to purchase luxury items. To be clear, a vacation is a luxury item. A gym membership is a luxury item. A restaurant meal is a luxury item, as is a new pair of shoes.
I see Divas over spend for 2 reasons. The first is to make others happy. Our Diva feels she "has to" bring a toy every time she visits her niece, or that it's her job to purchase the uber-expensive golf clubs her boyfriend wants for his birthday. The other reason is to make herself happy. She believes the only thing that will help her recover from a rough work week is a new designer handbag or a manicure.
With the first scenario, when you are buying to make others happy, you are unconsciously trying to gain their approval. Why? Because when we feel approval from others, we feel validated, and when we feel validated, we feel happy, at least for a moment. Therefore, the first scenario is really the second scenario in "disguise."
The reality of both scenarios is this: The happiness your niece or boyfriend feels from that gift as well as the happiness you feel from your nicely trimmed cuticles is only temporary. Neither will provide real and lasting fulfillment.
Divas, I will say the following many times on this blog, so get used to it: Happiness is not dependent upon our external circumstances.
Do you really think that new pair of red kitten heels or a new head of highlights will bring you happiness? Or that Cancun vacation? Do you truly believe that lending your boyfriend money for a new car will get him to stop putting you down, or stop cheating on you (and why, dare I ask, are you with him to begin with if he behaves in that manner)? No, Divas! That's not how it works! And if you think it does, then you have more than unbalanced finances. You have unbalanced thinking.
Divas, I'm not judging you for unbalanced thinking. I am the Queen Diva of unbalanced thoughts, which is what propelled me to study Yoga. What I have learned through my inquiry is that happiness is actually our true nature. Inside, we are all happy beings, but to get to the "happy," we have to learn to let go of the attitudes and opinions that our "ego mind" is attached to. Once we "unlearn" our destructive thinking habits, the happiness will surface.
How does a Diva find her "happy?" We meditate. Meditation affords you a chance to let go of your thoughts. Your thoughts are what produce your feelings. When you gain control of your thoughts, you grow the ability to observe your thoughts in a detached manner. From this place, you are able to challenge your thoughts, change them, and therefore, change your feelings. There is nothing more powerful than being able to stop your thought process in action and reverse it, especially if your thinking is taking you down a dark and destructive road…or a road populated with expensive designer boutiques.
I hope you adopt a regular meditation practice. It will change not only the way you think about money and spending, but the way you think about your life. If you are in "over your head" with debt, please get help. A great place to start is by checking out the Jean Chatzky blog at http://www.jeanchatzky.com/ where you will find practical tips on regaining control of your finances. Promise me one thing, Divas. Before you purchase those red kitten heels on your maxed-out credit card, ask the store to hold them for you, go home, and meditate. In the end, the decision whether or not to buy them is yours, but just remember, you're already as fierce as hell without them.
Namaste, Divas!
©2012 Ilene Evans
