I would not be serving my purpose if I did not remind you on a regular basis that a Fierce Diva never spends  beyond her means.   Many Divas I know can budget for themselves yet they get into trouble when buying gifts for other people.  For those of you whose finances fly out of balance at Christmas time or to buy wedding or birthday presents, remember this:

Fierce Divas do not have to give expensive gifts  - especially expensive gifts that they cannot afford – to express love, admiration, friendship, gratitude,  or congratulations.  The monetary value of a gift is not commensurate with how we value the recipient. 

We have allowed society to dictate to us certain monetary rules of gift giving that for some nonsensical reason, we feel compelled to follow, despite our financial reality.  We abide by the rules that a birthday party gift should have a certain dollar value, a communion gift should be a check for a specific amount, and that when we go to a wedding, we "pay for our plate."   Is it really your responsibility to foot the bill of your overpriced Chicken Francese, whose texture resembled that of Silly Putty?  Do you want to write a  $200.00 or $300.00 or $400.00 check to cover the cost of the freezer-burnt shrimp they served at cocktail hour and the ice sculptures carved into the faces of the bride and groom before they melted into the slightly wilted baby mixed greens salad?

Did the response card include a contract for you to sign in which you agreed to pay for your filet mignon, although it consisted mostly of gristle?  More importantly, do you really have the money to spare, or will next week's grocery bill go on a credit card so that you can chip in a few bucks for that totally unnecessary Viennese table and to pay the harp player who wound up sleeping with the Best Man?  

I would never discourage a Diva from giving a generous gift.  If you have money to spare and if you think it's appropriate, then I applaud your thoughtfulness.  However, for  those Divas who don't have tons of cash, stop pressuring yourself to keep up appearances with the Diva Next Door.  

Next time you give a gift, instead of trying to figure out what the appropriate dollar amount should be, why not think about what that person would like, or find useful, or simply write a check that you can afford!   If it's a wedding, buy a modest gift off the registry.  Isn't that what registries are for?  For birthdays and holidays, buy something for the person because it reminds you of her, or even better, make something using one of your fabulous Fierce Diva talents.  One of my all-time favorite gifts is a scarf that a fellow Diva made me, sewn from green velvet.   Another favorite is a picture of a beach scene painted by an artist friend.  These are personal gifts, that took time and thought, and mean more to me than someone trying to calculate how much they had to "pay me back" for the event I invited them to.  

If you're a chronic over-spender on gifts, it's most likely because you are trying to buy someone's approval, with the belief that their approval will contribute to your happiness.  But by now, Divas, we know that happiness is not dependent upon our external circumstances.   Next time you need to buy a gift, stick to something you can afford.   And next time you're at a wedding, do the bride a favor and keep the harp player away from the best man.  That leads to nothing but trouble! 

Namaste, Divas!

©2012 Ilene Evans  

Please share: