I knew I was staring but couldn't stop myself. He tapped his foot on the floor to the rhythm of the music as he silently mouthed the words to the song, with a slight exaggeration to his expression. He was completely into what he was doing. He was adorable.
Trixie was right. The DJ did look like Justin Timberlake. Except the "real" JT was older by comparison. This kid could not have been more than twenty-three? Twenty-four?
He provided the entertainment at the First Holy Communion party for Trixie's daughter, held at a banquet hall tucked away in a quiet pocket of suburban New Jersey. I am feeling particularly confident this afternoon, out of my mom jeans and yoga pants in exchange for a black dress with heels and a little more mascara than usual. I am gazing at the young JT, admiring his Justin Timblerlake-ness, when he catches me in the stare and smiles.
A few moments later, he wanders over. "Your daughter's quite a dancer," he says. "She's hasn't stopped since the minute you got here."
"A testament to the DJ, don't you think."
We chat. He talks about his life, his childhood, and his DJ business. For now, it's a side job, on top of his nine-to-five gig, but he wants it to be more. He lives with his parents, and I detect there's some embarrassment in that for him, as he justifies for me (or for himself) that they have insisted he stay with them so save money. Within three minutes, he is called back to the DJ booth for work, but I have learned a lot about him in that short amount of time.
JT is not the first younger man who has engaged me in conversation. I've crossed paths with "JT's" before, at parties or at bars, on the rare girl's night out. Believe me, I'm not a "cougar." That could not be farther from the motivation, for them or for me. I am more approachable than I am attractive, and that's just it. I'm easy to talk to. Plus, I am a good listener, an excellent listener, and when I listen to you, it's with full concentration. I'm not checking my phone for the score of a game or to see what's new on Twitter while you talk to me. I am engaged in the conversation. Listening with full concentration is a lost art form. We are all multitasking, even during what should be the most intimate moments.
To the JT's of the world, I am the "cool aunt" to whom they can pour out their hearts without judgment. And because they're not trying to pick me up, there is no pressure on them to look cool. I remember how difficult my 20's were. I relate to them with empathy. I provide reassurance, praise, where appropriate, and only offer advice if asked.
People want to be heard. We need to be heard. It's part of being human. If you want to win the heart of anyone, all you have to do is listen. It's that simple.
Namaste, Divas!
©2012 llene Evans
What you say is so true. We all want to be heard. Found you at SITS.
Thank you very much for visiting! If you get a chance, let me know where you blog!
xo Ilene
Oh my gosh, I love this post and not because I totally have a crush on JT. But you are so right about being a good listener and being engaged. Sad that it’s so rare these days but I totally get what you mean about being that “cool Aunt.” BTW – I really love your writing and your voice.
Christine, Thanks for visiting! Listening with full engagement is a challenge for so many reasons. And people REALLY appreciate it when others hear what they’re saying. I appreciate your kind words about my writing. Quite frankly it made my day. Let’s hear it for “cool aunts.” xo Ilene
Great post! I am so the opposite…NOT approachable… although not with people I know, in situations like the one you described I’m uncomfortably shy and people often mistake it for snobbishness.
I completely understand what you mean by the shyness being mistaken for snobbishness. I have known people who I THOUGHT were standoffish – but when I got to know them, it turns out they were just shy. Thank you for stopping by! xo Ilene