I found them to be a terrible distraction. Not the kids fighting in the next room, or neighbors playing loud music, or thoughts of war or poverty or neglected dogs. It was my bangs. My new, shorter, side swept bangs weren’t sitting properly across my forehead.
I brushed them, I tried a different part, a flat iron, but nothing worked. Enough, I thought to myself. It’s time for the mind to move onto something else. There are worse things than a bad hair day, even if this was the day that I would be meeting Swami Shantimurti Saraswati of Ahsram Yoga, New Zealand.
My yoga lineage is linked through Shanti’s ashram. Shanti studied under Swami Satyananda of the Bihar School of yoga, India, and due to a course of life events, Shanti’s interpretation of the Bihar style made its way halfway around the world to a yoga studio in Sea Bright, New Jersey, where I received my 200 hour teacher training certification.
As I drive to the yoga studio, I notice in the rearview mirror that my eyeliner is smudged (if you are wondering what I was doing looking in the rear view mirror while I was driving, I was obsessing over my bangs). I wipe away the smears and wonder to myself how Shanti looks upon makeup. If I traveled to New Zealand to complete my advanced teacher training under Shanti, would he look down on my eyeliner wearing? Would the inhabitants of the ashram laugh behind my back at my eyeliner wearing in our 5:30 a.m. practice, or would someone be kind enough to confront me and say, “Why are you so attached to waking up in the morning and putting on eyeliner?“
Holy shit, speaking of morning, can you drink coffee there? I don’t know if I could wake up every morning for the 4 weeks of yoga teacher training without coffee! That could be a deal breaker. What about my smartphone? Would it work on the shores of New Zealand? How about Facebook? Instagram? Oh my God. Twitter… Contrary to my prior rant about having to start a Twitter account, I honestly don’t know how long I could go without Twitter.
I remind myself that if I were to move forward with advanced yoga teacher training, it would not be for another seven or eight years, especially if I did it in New Zealand. I couldn’t leave my kids for so long before then, and by 2020, there would be all kinds of technological advancements, which I’m sure, would include being able to access Twitter. It also occurs to me that by 2020, my bangs will have grown out, thank God.
We sit comfortably on yoga mats and blankets for the presentation, which is more of a lecture than an actual class. As I scribble out notes, I feel my shirt travel down my shoulder. I am wearing one of my Flashdance-y shirts that you may have noticed me wearing before in this picture,
as I am a huge fan of the ripped collar T-shirt.
Except I did not mean for it to creep down my shoulder in front of my Swami.
Perhaps I should have given more thought to what I was wearing instead of my bangs or my month without Twitter.
Then, I begin to wonder if this man would allow me in his yoga teacher training after I sat in front of him with my clothes falling off for 2 hours. I feel like such a trollop!
He was an engaging teacher, and his message was reassuring. At the heart of it, was the notion that our emotional state is based on our perception, and perception begins with our minds. We must strengthen our minds and learn to control them in order to bring our lives in balance.
You have heard me say things like this before, again and again, actually, if you are a regular visitor here. The above is an oversimplification of what Shanti said, but it’s my job to relay these messages to you in ways that make sense and in a format that you can work with, even if you never walk into a yoga class. That’s what this blog is all about. I want you to have what’s been given to me, and I want to do it in a way that's accessible. I relay these messages because I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to believe in possibilities. I want you to know peace.
This post would have taken me a much shorter time to write if I didn’t have to stop every few minutes to fuss with my bangs.
Imagine where I’d be if I didn’t have yoga. Now THAT’S a scary thought.
Namaste, Divas!
©2012 Ilene Evans
I haven’t had bangs since I started growing them out in my senior year of high school. They were always my very distracting nemesis too! Thank goodness for scissors or for the short amount of time it takes for them to get to a length where you can clip them back.
This was a funny post! Yoga truly does calm your crazy! 🙂
I smiled and giggled all throughout your post. I totally get that crazy and somewhat irrational train of thought going all over the place. I have continued 10 minutes of mediation almost everyday and it really does help a lot. So thank you for putting that thought into my head.
You know how much I love your message. You definitely make these concepts accessible to the rest of us. You are amazing.
And your bangs are adorable.
As I wipe my side swept short bangs from my eyes…Great post! I too obsess over these little vain enhancements to my looks. What would Swami think of my new Vera Vera perfume? I think he might like it. It does smell yummy:)
And, I do love your side swept bangs…
You are gorgeous! I love the bangs and the flash-dancy t! 🙂
I giggled when I read that you were, of course, looking in the rear view at your bangs. LOL!
I think I either have to go to “real bangs” or let them grow out again to long side bangs – both work for me – these are just a strange “in the middle” length. I like a little something on my very high forehead. Oh, my girlish woes! I am glad you liked the post!
I am so glad you are keeping up with your meditation – and thank you for letting me know that you appreciate my “message.” This blog was such a leap of faith. It takes time – as you know. But it has become such a passion for me, and I am so very glad that the message resonates with you and others.
Thank thanks for the kind words on my bangs 🙂
Oh, Michelle, as much as I believe that happiness is not dependent upon our external circumstances, man, I love my “just right” bangs and my eyeliner! And I drive to a specialty shop for my perfume – so I know.
I am taking another class with Shanti tomorrow – I will make sure to cover up my shoulders this time!
Oh, Adrienne, you are so very kind! Thank you! When I get home from a new haircut, and am looking at the ‘do in our driveway, my husband always calls me out on it afterwards, since my rearview mirror is tilted toward the driver’s seat!
I bet Swami loved every bit of you, just like the rest of us! Am thinking of all the little things I obsess over and how much easier it is to obsess over my “stuff” than feel whatever I’m feeling in the moment. I’m feeling anxious, whoa – my stomach is paunchy, I’m feeling excited, what’s up with these nose hairs. On you, I think your obsessions are adorable, especially because you’re so aware and willing to look at yourself/your motives/your process. I find that loveable and courageous! Funny, funny post – just the giggles I needed this morning!
You make me laugh. I haven’t had bangs since…high school? I always thought that they were a pain in the ass or that they made me look like a stereotypical Asian girl. So I grew them out and haven’t thought about them since…until bangs started coming back into style. I was so close to cutting them again but didn’t. I love your bangs though. I too love your writing and your messages.
I am 100% right there with you, sister! obsessing over my “stuff” versus looking at whatever is going on in the moment, or for me, dealing with the things that really need to be dealt with!
I really need to talk about my obsession with hair and eyeliner more, because when you couple that with my “yoga” persona, you get a much fuller picture of how quirky I actually am IRL.
Thank you for appreciating my bangs and my message and my writing. This post is like a day in the life in my head when I am not being vigilant. Ah, what a cray place!