URGENT!
Babysitter needed!
For children ages 4, 6, and 7
September 4th and 5th
in my home
8:00 a.m. – 6:00 p.m.
Offering $13.00 per hour
Stated the ad on Craig’s List.
I felt like I knew this woman, or for that matter, this
woman could have been me. My guess was
that her childcare plans for the two work days leading up to the first day of
school and their corresponding aftercare programs had fallen through.
And she had to get to work.
I lived that reality for years, with young children. Did my children come first? Of course.
But work always came in at a close second.
Sometimes too close for comfort.
Because deadlines and the demands of your job just don’t
go away, because you have kids. And no
matter how “family friendly” a company claims to be on paper, their business
comes first, at least for them.
In my former corporate job, I was lucky in that family
emergencies were understood. Yet, the overall
hours were more than I could handle, with raising three kids. The commitments to deadlines trumped the
needs of my children, again and again and again, simply because in a service industry,
the client comes first, no matter what is going on with your children. I had
a commute, and many nights, I got home as my children were going to bed, if not
later. Not to mention, the work itself
was not exactly allowing me to “live my bliss.”
It got to a point where the money no longer seemed important.
Now, as a freelance editor and yoga teacher, I live without
the constraints of corporate demands, however, I also live without that
paycheck. So, I am out, looking for more
consistent work.
Except the demands of Corporate America haven’t changed in
the year since I left.
How much will Company X like it when, as a new hire, I tell
them I need to leave by a certain time each day to get my kids to cheer
practice, soccer, dance class, and scouts?
How much will Company Y like it when, as a brand new hire, I
call out five days in a row because the kids are passing around a virus?
How much will Company Z like it when I ask to take off the
weeks of Fall Break, Winter Break, and Spring Break, all within my first year
of employment?
What option does that leave me? More freelance
opportunities, which are unreliable, or weekend/night jobs, that put me on an
opposite schedule as my husband and allow me to be home for my kids.
The part time jobs don’t pay as much, yet they alleviate
that stress of a having a child with a cold and wondering how long that cold
will last, because I have to get back to work…and not really worrying about the
child as much as I am worrying about the deadline…because the job is so stressful…and
going into a panic because I don’t have a reliable fall back to bail me out during
an emergency sick day or school holiday with my kids…
Just like that mom on Craig’s List.
I have no answers.
Except that the choices are tough.
And we can’t always have it all, at least at the same time.
Craig’s List Mom, I hope you found your sitter.
And I hope for the both of us, we can find peace in our
choices.
Namaste, Craig’s List Mom.
Do you work and raise kids?
In what ways have you made compromises to do both?
Were you “mommy tracked” at your job due to your responsibilities at home?
Are you following your bliss, working for a paycheck, or a little bit
of both?
Do you have a great job that fits in with being a mom, and if so, what
is it?
©2012 Ilene Evans
I am so very fortunate! As I hear time and time again from moms who don’t love their job, or don’t work for companies that out their employees first, I quietly thank goodness that I, in theory and practice, do! I was encouraged to take 6 months PAID maternity leave, I am supported as my roles gave grown and changed and they have ALWAYS found creative ways for me to be a Mom who has a career and not a Career woman who has kids! I’ve never been “mommy tracked” or held back.
Have there been times when I had to juggle, miss a baseball game or karate tournament? Sure! But for every one of those, there’s been a day I came in late and attended a PTSA meeting or spent time on the classroom to volunteer. I work 45 hours a week, but I have truly found a way to balance my family and career with the help if the most supportive and giving team of individuals.
I resigned a year and a half ago from my full time job and I still struggle everyday with what I am doing and what I want to do. So much of the time I find myself volunteering just as much as I was working and then I get bummed that I don’t have the money to go along with it. I love what I get out of giving my time to the community and school but I need to either let a few things go or find a way to make some money too. I can’t allow myself to stress over so much all of the time. I keep trying to find balance but those scales are forever shifting on me. As long as I don’t let them tip, I guess I’m not doing as badly as I was when I was working full time.
I want to volunteer to watch that Craig’s List mom’s kids! I know the struggle well. And I know moms who work FT and say they can juggle it all. But 9 times out of 10 those moms have strong support systems. I worked at a leading parenting magazine and the editor was always saying moms can do it all. Easy for her to say since she had a live-in nanny!
I don’t have kids of my own, but this is a huge issue for my siblings and niece. Just yesterday my niece* (a single mom)who works as a waitress and bartender) said she has quite a few friends willing to watch her 5-year old when he gets home from kindergarten, but is sure it won’t last. She’s been burnt before. She is guessing she will be set with sitters for about two weeks.
My sister is switching her hours at the hospital where she works to 5:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. next week so she can be home when her oldest gets off the bus. She will nap for an hour then work then help him with homework for an hour before picking the other two up from daycare. Her plan is to have everyone in bed by 7:30 so she can get a good night sleep. She is also required to work weekends and holidays from time to time which wreaks havoc with her family life. Her husband does help out quite a bit and takes turns staying home with the kids when they are sick.
My brother and SIL take turns using vacation time when the kids or sick or they don’t have school. In the summer she puts them in camps, with only marginal satisfaction. She said she would never be able to work full-time if she wasn’t very organized.
For me, I don’t think I could work the job I have and have a family.
*She has a college degree, but waitressing/bartending has worked out best for her up until now.
Working full-time and raising a family is a huge struggle. Sadly, we have no support structure here and are on our own when it comes to the kids. I’ve been thinking of scaling back to part-time status, but I’m not certain we would be able to afford it. Once we pay off some bills and re-work the budget, it may be a possibility.
In reality, if we could learn to live without a few of our amenities then I’m sure life would be much easier. The more you make, the more you spend.
Sarah, you are in an enviable position – and I am sure you have worked for it – because if they give so much to you, you certainly give it right back to them – which is how it should be everywhere! I have always worked hard – but if I can’t have a little flexibility in return, I can’t work – period. Hoping I can find what you have, girl!
Wow! So you and I left the “Paid” work world just about the same time. And it has been just as trippy for me as it seems to have been for you. I still struggle with the direction where I am headed – and my present need to find paid work again exacerbates this!
I hope that in another year and a half from now, you and I will be sitting opposite from each other at a tables (with all our other fave blogging girls there, too of course) and we are toasting my fabulous book deal and your fabulous brand ambassador deal. Sound good?
Jen, I swear I ALMOST replied to her ad just because I felt so awful for this mom – If I could have gotten my kids on the bus and gotten down to her by 8, I would have! I am in the same boat as you – I do not have family around that I can throw my kids at in an emergency – and as much as my SAHM girls friends love me, they don’t want my sick kids around their healthy ones!
Oh, I feel the struggles you are describing in your family! And college degree or no college degree, I can understand why waiting tables might work better with kids than a 9 to 5 job. I highly doubt that my next salary/hourly job will be in an office – despite the 15 years of corporate management that I have on my resume.
I am also touched that you have family members who are willing to take vacation time to help care for sick kids for your sister.
It is so flipping hard to work fill time when you do not have that support system to bail you out in a pinch! I swear that’s a huge reason why I burnt out. Too many business proposals written at 4am to meet a deadline, after having to stay home that day with sick kids…
I had the best deal ever going with my company of 15 years, when they let me go part time. I had a ton of flexibility and carte blanche to change around my hours. Then, last year, they consolidated and needed me to come back full time to keep my position – and also to be on site (an hour drive away) 3 times a week. I knew it was not going to work and I had to walk away. I hope you can find your middle ground!
I’m really struggling with this right now. Like you, I freelance so while I love the flexibility it provides and being able to create my own schedule, it’s also stressful and hard. Right now in particular with the end of summer/beginning of school and school/childcare is all a mess. Plus, my husband is super busy and has immediate deadlines whereas I have more long-term projects so that means that I try to squeeze in work when and where I can which is often piecemeal and really impossible for the research/writing/program development work that I do. I need big chunks of time. Not happening right now. For us, at least there are grandparents and my aunts around who can pitch in and help. Ed’s parents are a lifesaver, often covering our asses. Again, why so hard??
I think this kind of situation is so hard and so seemingly unfair to Moms who have to do it. Nice note to her, Ilene. Even though she may not see it, at least you could write it.
I wish I had answers to give you and me. Right there with you, Ilene! I’ll stay in the trust today, at least for a few more minutes. xoxo
I can totally appreciate the childcare being a mess in between seasons! I remember those days when daycare closed to get ready for the school year or for in service days and I would feel so lost, especially if I had a deadline (I was a proposal writer for a company that served Big Pharma). I’m glad you have family around but I know that even that is not always 100% reliable, or we can begin to feel like we impose, etc. There are no easy answers.
My one wish is that companies would begin to appreciate the talent pool that they are losing because they can not be a little more flexible. Job shares, telecommuting, flex time, etc…They would get SO MUCH in return. At least from me!
As I just said above to Christine, my one wish is that companies would begin to appreciate the talent pool that they are losing because they can not be a little more flexible. Job shares, telecommuting, flex time, etc…They would get SO MUCH in return. At least from me! It makes me sad to see moms so stressed out over their jobs, and having to make these difficult choices.
OK, if you are going to stay in the trust, then I am going in stay in the trust too! I at least have to try…