I know it’s something important when R. calls me on my cell
phone, especially since she’d prefer to avoid talking on the phone altogether.
R., if you recall, phoned me a few months ago about my root
chakra. It was an urgent call and the kind of call that only a best friend
could make, and this day was no different, as I heard my phone ring while
pulling into a parking space at Target.
“You need to learn to walk with your vagina,” R. says
matter-of-factly as I turn off my car.
“Say what?”
“I’m reading a book on the goddess within. You’re too masculine. You need to get in touch
with your feminine side.”
I ponder this for a minute. I like eyeliner and fuss with my hair,
as you all know. I feel feminine. Most of the time. I think.
“And walking with my
vagina is the answer to this problem?”
“It’s part of it. At
least it’s a start. Changing your walk will change your energy, and as you
change your energy, your masculine/feminine sides will balance.”
“What exactly is involved with this walk?” I ask.
“Hips, honey, hips,” R. explains. Pretend you’re Shakira.
I practice in my kitchen.
I walk across the room with my hips jutted out slightly and I sway from
side to side.
As I sashay across the Pergo, I think to myself, Is this
how being a woman is supposed to feel?
Because it feels so awkward.
I call R. “Are women
born knowing how to do this?
“It’s not coming easily for you, is it?”
“No!”
“I’m not surprised.”
“It doesn’t feel right at all!”
“Take it a little at a time,” R. says.
I practice. I
practice and practice. The walk just
doesn’t feel comfortable.
“There is nothing natural about this walk,” I whine to R.
one night on the phone.
“That’s’ because you’re too much of a man,” R says. “It's time to take off your man pants, girl. You know, get a neighbor’s husband to mow the
lawn for you or shovel your sidewalk when it snows.”
“I can shovel my own sidewalk,” I interject.
“That’s just it. You
need to learn to be a little more of a damsel in distress. “
“I have no patience for that damsel stuff. If I need to
something done, I’ll get it done myself.”
“And that’s precisely why you can’t walk with your vagina,”
R. counters.
“So what are my choices?”
I ask. “Can you be shocked into
the vagina walk? Is there vagina
biofeedback or vagina hypnosis for people like me?”
“I’m sure there’s help for you out there,” R. says with
encouragement.
“I know!” I say, “Maybe
they have vagina retreats. Like a vagina
boot camp intensive.” I recall the South
Park episode where Cartman gets his period and goes on the men’s weekend.
(Was
that not the funniest episode ever – OK – maybe next to the J Lo Ben Affleck
one…) and bangs on drums and talks about
his feelings. They must have some kind of getaway for women in my predicament.
“I’m not sure.” R.
shoots me down. “You and I are both
believers in doing the work. The vagina
boot camp sounds more like a quick fix.”
I haven’t intentionally practiced my walk in quite a
while. But I did ask for help with my
luggage during a recent hotel stay. And
one day during the holidays, I asked a worker at a store to help me get a large
purchase into my car.
It’s progress, right?
And for me, that progress is literally one step at a time.
Are you in touch with your
masculine/feminine sides?
Are they in balance?
What’s your walk like???
Where else to
find me:
I think I’m in touch with both sides, but maybe more feminine (I don’t camp, kill certain bugs, do certain man-centered things).
Funny about the walking bit … I never thought much about it until I met my biological family and they all made a big deal about how I walked like them. Apparently, from the hips, heel to toe. We all walked the same!
Hmmm I will have to pay attention to my walk now. I probably am in touch since I have to ask for a lot if help when my migraines are bad.
You don’t have to be a damsel in distress. That’s bullshit. Feminine doesn’t require helplessness. I would argue that femininity has to do with how you feel about yourself. And real women can mow the lawn. And shovel the walk. Sexy hips are a great idea, but you don’t have to give up self sufficiency to be a girl.
Needless to say, I will be very aware of my walk today! 😉 I have a feeling I am guilty of the less than feminine walk!
You see? You’re a natural hip walker! And I have to practice across my kitchen to get that little move down! I wish I were a little more feminine. Maybe in time…
I am going to have to pick your brain on asking for help. I suck at it. Emotional, Physical, you name it. One of my resolves this year is to work on this – and trust that the help will be there for me when I need it.
I honestly don’t mind mowing the lawn or shoveling the walk – but there are definitely areas where I could use some help and always hesitate to ask. I do agree with you 100% that I don’t have to be a “Damsel in distress” to be feminine. But I’d like to have a little more yin behind my eyeliner and Flashdance t-shirts. xo
Yes! Watch that walk and report back to me! I would love to hear about what you find! 😉
Haha, I love you. I love your writing.
I’m afraid to admit it, but I’m probably more masculine than feminine. I can kill a bug, I can camp without a shower for a couple of days, I love action movies, and I can change my tires. I tend to be a little too independent, and my husband calls me on it all the time. (He gets touchy over me trying to open a jar and taking too long before I realize I need him. lol)
As for my walk, back in high school, my mom and I were walking and she randomly said to me, “You need to walk with more character. You’re walking straight up and down. No movement. No sass. You look like you’re still in marching band practice.” At 15, she hit the “awareness” button just right, because from then on, not a single boyfriend (or my husband) didn’t mention my sway. (Luckily, it’s not OVERLY sassy. LOL) I’ve got the walk down…but the damsel in distress? I’ve always seen is as weakness. That’s terrible, I know, but I can’t imagine faking the DID for the sake of looking more feminine. I don’t do things myself to get recognized or to prove a point…I just do them. (Know what I mean?)
How in the hell am I supposed to continue on my day after a post like this? In sitting here doing kegals as I type. Will that help my walk? It may help with some leakage, but will it help with my walk?
I do recall a time when I lived in NYC and there was a girl walking in front of me out of the subway and her arse was mesmerizing. I never saw anything like it. It would do a double bump at the top of every step. She was not a fast walker, and I think her “arse walk” is the reason why. It’s something that she clearly practiced, and perfected. I still talk to my husband about it to this day. Maybe you need an ass walk instead of a vagina walk?
I had to tell myself that it was less about me being independent and more about being inter-dependent. It is a gift to let others help you. It is a kindness to let others have the opportunity to show you a kindness. I got really good at this during my third pregnancy where I spent weeks saying “yes” to everyone who offered to help me. Seeing the joy they got from being able to do a good deed was fulfilling for me too.
I’m so not in balance. I very rarely act the damsel in distress. I think because I’m small, people assume I should be and so I fight it. I guess I need a vagina retreat. Wonder what would happen if I googled that….
I’d like to think I’m very in touch with my feminine side. But now that I think about it, I don’t know how well balanced I am. I have no clue what my walk is really like.
Ha! You are a riot! I hadn’t thought about my vagina once today until I read this post. My poor, neglected vagina. I don’t resonate with the damsel in distress fix but I definitely could use help embracing my sensual, feminine side. I’m an efficiency master more than a pleasure seeker. Am liking the vagina retreat idea (could be your big money invention!). 😉 I adore your writing! xo
I remember in my 20’s a number of co-workers told me I was too independent – that a man likes to “take care of” a woman and that I would not allow people to do that for me. Listen, if I need help with something that I don’t know how to do, I’ll gladly ask, but if I know how to do it, I won’t ask. That’s just me being straightforward- right? I LOVE that your mom called you out on your walk. Now, I totally want to see it for myself!
I never connected Kegels to helping with the vagina walk – that’s an interesting question and I wonder what the Goddess book has to say about that! As for the ass walk – I may have to go back in that double mirrored Target dressing room and take a good look at mine and make a decision…
Rabia, what a great way to put it and you’re right! I LOVE to help others and it always feels like a gift when I can. That’s a great way to reverse the entire issue.
I just googled it for fun – there are some “sensual” retreats out there as a matter of fact! It’s interesting what you say about being small. I’m small too and I wonder if that has something to do why I’m such a “tough girl…” to fight the assumptions…
My instinct says you’re perfectly in balance and as feminine as you ought to be! And as far as your walk, if you give it some attention, I’d love to hear about what you find!
Unfortunately, there are people who have me best to the vagina retreat (I had to google it after reading Jennifer’s comment)but maybe I could but a new spin on it somehow? I would definitely give instruction on how to walk – or have R. do that since I still walk like a man! And I am glad I gave you pause to think about yours – LOL!
Lol! I don’t think my masculine/feminine sides are in balance either.
My walk depends on what shoes I’m wearing. If it’s my high heeled black boots, I walk with sassy purpose. Ass-kicking bitch purpose. If I’m wearing my brown Land’s End slip ons, I shuffle. It’s an apologetic walk, or maybe a defeated walk, or maybe just an aimless, meandering walk. If I’m wearing my sneakers, it’s a clumsy but well-meaning forward-moving run/dance gait.
I like wearing my boots best. 😉
*Such* an interesting topic and post!
And hee! Love that you’re practicing!!
Hahahaha. I can’t say I’ve ever walked with my vagina.
Really? I guess a picture doesn’t tell the whole truth because you look like a woman who is definitely in touch with “that side” – and that’s a compliment!
Thanks, Galit – although I think yoga has *ruined* my chances at the ..ahem…prescribed walk. I walk like a linebacker most of the time because I have been trained to have a straight spine, broad shoulders, and tucked tailbone. Although that also makes me a little taller, which at barely 5 feet, I covet every centimeter!
Oh come on, not even in that Valentine’s day in the trailer with the masseuse? You strike me as someone who could do it on cue if needed 😉
Isn’t it amazing how the shoe can change the walk and the intention of the walk and the attitude? When I’m in my Docs, I’m SO NOT A GIRL and all bravado – but when I’m in my black high heeled boots I think I’m Beyonce. Hmmm – maybe I should practice my “walk” in my Beyonce boots….
I have kind of had to do everything for a long time, but there are certain things that are Boy Chores… it’s kind of a random list, but I have one.
My backside is the biggest part of me. It attracts enough attention without my having to swivel! Honest to goodness the only time I swivel my hips when I walk is when I am fast walking… you are supposed to right? Make your hips sort of rotate around so you can go faster without breaking stride… maybe you and I should try that while going slow? 🙂
Oh my gosh, I am going to have to try walking this way!
Yes! Try it! And let me know what you think!
I need a little more hip swivel – but I also think I would enjoy having a backside like yours! I’ve always wanted mine to be a little more “JLo”!
So what the hell am *I* supposed to do??
So long as your stride is gender appropriate, I don’t think walking practice is needed. Instead, why not tag along with Cartman at a men’s retreat? I would LOVE to hang out with those South Park kids – would that not be the coolest thing ever?
OK, so I just got up a walked around to see what my walk is like and I honestly don’t know!! I think that I’m a mix of masculine and feminine. Definitely an independent streak but still make my husband kill a bug or do other things around the house that I can’t figure out. I agree with Jester Queen that being feminine doesn’t mean you have to be a damsel in a distress – that one isn’t directly equivalent to the other. It’s such an interesting topic.
I agree too – that it’s not the literal damsel in distress – I think it’s more about knowing when to ask others for hep in general – I am like that man who refuses to stop for directions! (although does anyone even do that anymore with GPS?)