“A.” worked at a desk on the ground floor with a stack of
paper 1040’s to his right. He wore a
business suit and tie. I took him to be
around 80.
I had gotten his name from my mother, as in years past, he
and my stepfather worked side by side offering free tax preparation assistance
at the public library.
I had been hiding from my tax returns this year. Fortunately, during the days when I made
money, I had the good sense not to spend all of it on vacations and designer
handbags and put some away.
Yet, more recent times called for a different kind of sensibility.
I put those handbags up on eBay. I sold off some of the money that Wall Street
had held for me for the past decade. And
while I “sold high” to get the most bang for my buck, selling high meant I owed
“the man” in on the action.
I didn’t want to deal with the I.O.U. to Uncle Sam, thus I
had hidden from him completely, and I didn’t want to pay my accountant his arm
and leg fee as one of the “fortunate ones” to receive his Ivy League advice.
So, there I sat, across from A., at the library, with my W2’s,
1099’s, expense receipts and the large pile of Barter Exchange forms.
There were the technology stocks that held up…
…oil stocks, home improvement stores, soft drinks…
…the blue chip stocks for fast food chains where I would
never eat, but whose dividends fed my children this year.
He wrote quickly on the Schedule D, while punching an adding
machine that sat on top of the desk.
“You’re fine,” he said, as he placed a piece of paper in
front of me and pointed to a number.
“Here’s what your refund will be.”
I eyed the number and suddenly felt light. The money I would get back was enough to
replace half of what I had cashed in.
In theory.
“Thank you,” I offer, getting up from the desk.
“I miss your father.”
“I miss him too,” I respond, feeling the cry well up in my
throat.
“He was a good man.
He helped a lot of people do their taxes. We fought though. Politics. Always politics. He was such a liberal.”
“I know,” I say. I smile and nod my head.
“You’re lovely. Like
your stepdad. Good luck to you.”
I walk out of the library, tears on my cheeks, clutching my
tax return under my arm, thinking about how I don’t miss those vacations or
stocks or designer handbags half as much as I miss my stepdad, thinking about
how fast life really goes, and thinking about when it’s my turn to die, I’m
hoping to have things on my mind other than taxes and the trifles that take up
too much space in my mind, and to end this life used up, spent, at peace, and totally
happy.
This is my first time linking up with Yeah Write. Click on the badge to read some great posts, then come back on Thursday to vote for your favorites.
Welcome to the Yeah Write grid! This is a lovely post for your first time linking up.
Beautiful post Ilene! So emotional and so lovely too. Taxes and finances and the economy are such a bore to me. A lot of it goes over my head and no matter how much time I spend trying to make sense of it all, I still can’t really tell you what the stock exchange does exactly. But I absolutely LOVED how you swung this back to an emotional and heartfelt tribute to your dad. You point out something I try desperately to remember when I’m caught up in stress and that is the idea that there’s more value in the people and moments that carry weight in our hearts than in the things that fill our closets and shelves at home. Brava my friend. 🙂
I was wiping tears as I read your beautiful words. I loved this, Ilene. So very moving – it’s all about the love in the end.
Welcome to yeah write! This is such a great post. I love how the tax guy gave you more than just a number, but a chance to reflect, as well.
What is it they say? The only things certain in life are death and taxes and you wove both into a very lovely post! Welcome to Yeah Write — hop to see more of you there!
Oh, you made me cry on the only day I had mascara on this week!
This was just beautiful. I was wondering how love would fit in with taxes, and now I know. This was really moving. –Lisa
I’ve been wanting to link up to Yeah Write. I think this post just gave me the push. Beautiful sentiments about your stepdad. It’s funny that I never thought of taxes and love being in the same sentence and how this post changed my mind.
I haven’t joined in on Yeah Write for while. I need to check that our again. It was a great community back last year!
I loved your story. I now what you mean. Someone said to me other day, “You just never know how long we’ll be here.” Referring of course to our days that are numbered only by the knowledge of God. What kind of legacy am I leaving? One of harried mom, overwhelemd blogger, and barley getting through the day? God, I hope not. Like your taxes, I hope I am leaving something bigger than that. And if I’m not so far, that God would slap me awake!
Oh Ilene!!! I am in tears… beautiful post and such an achingly emotional reflection of your amazing Stepdad. Love every word. 🙂
This was a beautiful post, you had my eyes watery.
This is beautiful Ilene. Truly. Your words always have a way of seeping into my soul. Love this and a beautiful way to continue to remember you stepdad. xxo
Welcome to Yeah Write! What a beautiful post. That kind of stuff does take up too much space in our minds, doesn’t it?
I am so happy to see you here!!! Welcome! I love the last lines and your focus on all the things that really matter. So easy to forget. I regularly get caught up in the distractions and need people like you to reel me back in with your words. Beautiful post!
Absolutely beautiful!
What’s so interesting here is that you found a connection to your stepdad through the taxes, something that was just what he did, but was part of who he was. It connects him back to you, and even though it’s numbers and red and black ink, it’s a way to get him in the room again with you.
And any time we can do that, it’s definitely worth it.
Beautifully written.
This is just lovely. Your poignant connection to an old family friend not only highlights your love for your stepfather, but also illustrates how deeply bonds can run, and how nothing, even politics, can divide true friends.
Love that this is about taxes, but NOT about taxes at all. Great intersection of life and then REAL life. 🙂 Also glad about the refund!
Welcome to Yeah Write! Great post. Loved the feel of it. Sorry about your stepdad.
Beautiful post. Hugs to you.
Amazing how something like doing your taxes can bring up such emotion. Life is too fast sometimes. We need to appreciate those who are with us while we can.
I teared up at the end. What a beautiful, touching twist. <3 this piece.
Welcome! What a great post… you brought a breath of humanity into one of the most inhuman things in life – taxes. Wonderful post.
I love that “father” and “stepdad” are interchangeable in this piece. My father was just visiting me, and while he is technically my stepdad, in my heart is is my father. People who insist on clarifying that make me nuts. And yay for tax refunds!
Thank you so much for the welcome! What a great group of writers!
Thank you Maribel. There is so much more value in the people and the moments like you said. And I don’t really understand the stock exchange either! I took a few swings in the dark when I put together my (rapidly dwindling) stock portfolio! xo
Thank you Kim, and yes,it really is all about love in the end. And as much as I know that, I still do really appreciate reminders like this one. xo
There really was this real life “reversal” when I spent that hour with this man. I had no idea what simply doing my taxes would conjure up when I walked in that library! Thank you for the welcome.
Thank you for the welcome and the kind words – and I know – I never knew I could weave love into doing my taxes until this happened. Life is full of surprises. In a good way. xo
Thank you Lisa, and I’m sorry about your mascara! That happens to me all the time! xo
I loved doing Yeah Write this week. It pushed me just a little bit harder, you know? Your words are beautiful and I hope you try it! Thank you for your kind thoughts on my stepdad. I think he is the only subject in my universe who could put love and taxes together in one place.
It’s so true, Adrienne, right? Because right now, my legacy kind of feels like yours – overwhelmed mom and blogger, etc. – but I love those moments of clarity – like the one I had earlier in the week – where I have to ask myself what more I could be doing to serve this world and leave a good mark here. Those moments are gifts, right? xo
Thank you sweetheart. It’s always a gift to have opportunities to reflect on those who touched our lives like my Step dad touched mine. xo
Thanks, Steph. I know! I’ve been crying lots over this post this week too! xo
Thank you, my friend. I am really grateful for these “stepdad moments” because whenever I am close to his legacy, there is always something wonderful to share. xo
Thanks, Natalie. Way too much space in our minds – that I could be using for much more productive things! xo
You were my inspiration to give Yeah Write a try – so thank you for that. And yes, too many distractions sometimes to remember the things that really matter! xo
Thank you!
Bonds do run deep, don’t they? And it’s amazing how my stepfather was able to strike a bond between this man and me without actually being there. And yes, true bonds penetrate everything – even politics!
Oh, I love how you differentiate life from Real life! So true! And I am happy about the refund as well!
Thank you Michelle! What a great community of writers!
Thank you and hugs right back at you.
When I have these “life moments,” it completely makes me realize how quickly time passes. Who ever knew that doing my taxes would give me such an ah hah moment?
Thank you, Eli, and what a great insight. This situation put me in the same room with him – not only through the taxes but also working with this man who loved my stepfather so dearly. There’s something about sharing in the memory of a loved one with someone else who understands their legacy that makes their presence in the room that much stronger. You’re right, any time we can get them in the room, it’s definitely worth it.
Thank you so much!
Thank you for your welcome and your kind words.
I am so glad you and I share this amazing experience of having stepfathers who are fathers in our hearts. No need for clarification or technicalities. You are and I truly blessed. xo
This was a lovely sentiment to your step-father and friendship. Hope you are having fun at Yeah Write!
Welcome to Yeah Write!! We have an amazing group of people here and I hope you love the experience as much as the rest of us do!
I loved the honesty in your post. I felt like I was talking to a friend as opposed to reading a stranger’s words, and that is a sign of good writing!
Hope to see you next week!
Welcome to the party, my dear! You’ll find us to be quirky but loveable. 🙂 This was such a captivating read. We’re glad to have you.
Thank you Gina, I had a great time at yeah write this week, for sure!
Thank you Dawn – it is indeed a lovely group of writers! I discovered so many blog that I had never read before. Great stuff. And thank you for your feedback on the post. I love when I can convey something that feels that personal to someone else!
I can totally get with quirky and lovable! Thank you for the kind welcome!
Welcome to yeah write! And you have a much better memory of ANY tax year than most people. Awesome!
Welcome to yeah write! This was wonderful – hope to see you back on the grid soon.
Thanks for the welcome to yeah write! I will definitely be back! xo
A fine tribute… beautifully written and not at all what I expected when I read the title. Well done!
I meant to write about this days ago, but it’s just been sitting in my heart while I run around like a busy chicken.
I remember the post you wrote about your dad when you spent some time with him before he died… and you looked at him in the car… That piece has stayed with me, too.
How amazing that you were able to connect with someone who knew him and loved him. That’s a blessing! X
Thanks, girl!
I was SO LUCKY to have that talk with him in the car that day before he died. So lucky. And as stated above in the comments, lucky again to be in the same room with him – while connecting through this friend of his who helped me last week. We really have to take advantages of those moments, right? xo
This is beautiful. It puts things into a proper perspective.
Okay, I just read it again after seeing it on The Dose of Reality and it got me again. Though I didn’t know your stepdad, I do know that you ARE lovely! Love this post and your sweet, sweet words.
I read this back in March, and it’s one of my favorite posts here. The girls at The Dose reminded me how wonderful it is to read your words. 😉
This is Beautiful! The Dose Girls sent me and I’m really glad I stopped by. I posted about perspective today. It seems like a good day for it. {{hug}}
I didn’t see this in March – as I was not yet lucky enough to discover you – but I’m glad it’s making a second round. Love those Dose Girls! I got very teary-eyed, and it’s not my allergies.
Beautifully written. I love the tribute to your stepdad…our relationships are really the most important thing we have! I loved this!
Dude. How’d I miss this post??? It’s brilliant. You’re a great writer and spirit.
Found you via The Dose of Reality. Love how even the mundane can bring back memories that touch our souls. Thank you for sharing!
Ahhhhhh yes. THIS one! I loved this one just as much the second time around. You are such a gifted writer sweet friend. Your words always deeply touch me. I love that this one got honored… in honor of your precious step dad.
Love prevails. Love never leaves us.
Beautiful, Ilene.
I love this post when I first read it, and I love it now. So happy to see it featured by the Dose Girls!
The Dose Girls sent me over and I have to say, beautiful post!! I plan on lurking for a bitif you don’t mind 😉
Coming by from the DOSE Girls. What a lovely and emotional post.
I love reading the dose of reality and now I know why they linked up with you. This was so touching. The perfect thing for me to read for the way I was feeling this morning. Thank you.
How did I miss this gem, Ilene? This is so beautiful. I love how gently you tell the story, and with such warmth!
At the end of the day, it’s never about the stuff. It’s about those we love. Amen to that!
Thank you Tracie!
Oh, AnnMarie – and you are so lovely too! You are one of those people, like Lisa and Ashley, that I am so grateful to have met through blogging. *Hugs!*
Thank you Adrienne! This entire day has been one of gratitude. Mostly for all of the wonderful women I’ve met through blogging and who have shared their beautiful words with me. Such as you. xo
It is a good day for a post about perspective. I am going to hop over to read it in a little while and hugs right back at you! xo
Oh, Tamara! I am so lucky we found each other and hugs right back at you!
Yes! I agree with you 100% that our relationships are the most important thing. They are the only thing, really. Thank you so much for your kind words!
Oh, you are the best! That just made my day. Thank you and thank you. xo
There is so much love to be found in the mundane when we are willing to look for it right? Thank you so much for coming by. I just love those Those Dose Girls!
I get teary eyed thinking about that – that this is the post Lisa and Ashley chose and that it’s also a tribute to the most wonderful man I’ve ever known. It makes the honor that much more meaningful. xo
Thank you so, so much my friend. And yes, love prevails. xo
Thank you Jennifer! What a wonderful honor!
You are welcome to lurk! I may have to do some lurking back! So great to meet you!
Thank you KG! We apparently both have great taste in friends!
Karen, thank you so much for your lovely words. As I said above to KG, we apparently both have great taste in friends.
Thank you Kim, it’s never about the stuff, is it? I’d let all of the stuff go for one more day with my stepfather. And yes, amen to that! xo
I loved this one the first time and love it equally the second time around. Congrats on being featured on Dose of Reality!
Thank you, Mary! It was such an honor! I loved today!
Coming in from The Daily Dose. Beautiful words. I think it is awesome you could have such a relationship with your stepdad we hear too many stories that go the other way.
Came over from The Dose of Reality. This is a beautiful post 🙂
Thank you for sharing.
Agreed! And, I love those ladies, too! I’m so glad they highlighted this. Simply touching.
I was lucky enough to use the words “dad” and “stepdad” interchangeably. Very, very lucky.
Thank you Xae!
So glad the Daily Dose shared your post; it was a lovely testament to your dad.
Thank you Dana – I was honored to be on their page – and even more honored that it was a post that paid testament to this most wonderful man.