Author Archives: Ilene

Rock My Root Chakra

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“Call me. It’s important,” she specified in her voice mail. R. hated to talk on the phone, so I knew it had to be important. When she picked up on the first ring, I got scared, as R. didn’t race to the phone for anyone, not her husband, her friends, or even her clients. R.’s phone aversion mirrored my aversion to processed foods.  If I were starving on an island and had no choice but to eat dinner rolls from Perkins to stay alive, I would relent.  If R. were stranded on an island and needed to make a phone … Continue reading →

The Big Greasy Dinner

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    “Mom,” the dude asks, “Can I get the pancakes and the chicken strips?” “How about we order one dinner at a time,” I say. “I’ll get the chicken,” he says, after some serious thought.  “With French fries.” “Broccoli,” I counter. “Aww,” he grumbles.  I catch his frown in the rear view mirror. “Okay, okay,” Fries are fine,” I declare, reminding myself that this is our “fun night out.” There were many animated discussions going on at once about what they would order, the excitement mounting as the car neared our destination. I am not a huge fan of … Continue reading →

My Big Bad Belly Tattoo

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I stand in front of the mirror with a black sharpie, with my shirt hiked to my upper ribs. I pull the skin around my belly taut and dig the marker into my abdomen, as I slowly begin to write the backwards B, which in the mirror, looks forward facing. This was my assignment from E, the transformative coach with whom I had just spent an hour rambling about the past 4 years of my life, the many changes, studying yoga, the issues with my marriage, and what I see as my ideal future.   “What do you want for … Continue reading →

Cheer Mom Part 3: Game Day

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As I walked into Sun National Arena in Trenton,  New Jersey for my daughter’s cheer competition, I was keenly aware that one of us would leave that night crying.  Either they’d lose, and she would be devastated, or they’d win, and I’d be devastated.  Don’t get me wrong, I want what we all want for our children.  But if you’ve read parts one and two of my Cheer Mom trilogy, then you understand the struggles I’ve encountered with my cheerleader daughter.  Advancing is what the girls want and what their coaches want and what I’m supposed to want. Yet, the … Continue reading →

Cheer Mom Part 2: Cheer Angst

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I wasn’t in the mood to go to a wiglet party. Furthermore, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with Miss F.’s mood after that cumbersome looking hair piece was sewn into her hair, which she would then need to sleep with and live in until her cheer competition, some 18 hours later.  Miss F. is the kid who goes on sensory overload from a stray dog hair caught in her shoe.  Asking her to sleep with an artificial hair piece that has been woven into her hair is like asking a child who has sandbags tied to her legs … Continue reading →

My Big Girl Shoes

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Predictably, the morning went to pot since I had to get out of the house a half hour earlier than usual. To my new bosses it probably felt like a nominal request. “Can you come in a half hour early on Friday?” What’s a half hour to most people?   But for me, it required making “arrangements,” two sets of arrangements to be precise.  One for my grade school kids and one for my preschooler.  A neighborhood parent was kind enough to see the older guys onto the bus, and I was able to drop off my toddler a half … Continue reading →

Costco Diva

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The first mistake was going hungry. The second mistake was going tired. The third mistake was taking the kids with me, who were also hungry and tired. The time change of Miss F.’s cheer practice Monday night was almost cause for a “case of nerves.”  First of all, they moved it up a half an hour, which left us no time for homework before she had to be there.   Second, they cut the practice down to one hour from two.    With a two hour practice, I have time to get home and do “something,” like bathe the smaller kids … Continue reading →

How to Be Kick Ass on The Fly

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The first mistake was sleeping until after seven, because my best thinking takes place way earlier.  On a good morning, I sit with my coffee at 5:30, before anyone else is awake.  I review my calendar for that day.  I meditate. I chant “om.”   I practice yoga postures.  I listen to music I like.  I take a few hours to ease into life before the kids barrel down the stairs, the dogs beg to be fed, and the chase to get to the bus stop or weekend morning soccer practice begins. So it should have come as no surprise that … Continue reading →

It’s My Island

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I didn’t want to teach tonight. I never don’t want to teach. It has been a whirlwind week, between starting a “big girl” job that requires me to walk out of my house primped and well caffeinated when the kids leave for school, the impending monthly deadline on the magazine I edit, and getting adjusted to being the only adult in the house (I thought I was outnumbered before with three kids.  Now, I’m really outnumbered!) So, at 6:40 tonight, I finally turned off my computer after squeezing in 20 minutes of magazine editing time, after getting home from work, … Continue reading →

Hooky

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“There is no reason for you ever to wind up in the principal’s office,” I say. She sighs and looks away. “Ever,” I repeat for extra emphasis. It is the end of summer, and I have received the teacher assignments for the year.   Miss F. has been placed with someone who has the reputation for being stern.  “She’s not going to let you get away with the things that happened last year.  I’m just saying.”  “OK, Mom.  I get it!” Miss F. responds with a roll of her eyes. I have grown used to the eye roll, and for better … Continue reading →