Author Archives: Ilene

Welcome to My Midlife Crisis

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Once upon a time, in a New Jersey suburb, my husband and I had decent paying jobs in Corporate America.  We never led an ostentatious lifestyle. We owned a small house, a modest car, paid for our home improvement projects with cash instead of loans, and contributed to our 401K plans.   We were fortunate to have a little left over for "extras,"  such as birthday parties for our children and vacations.  The "emergency fund" in the bank allowed us to pay the occasional unexpected medical bill or car repair without affecting our monthly budget.  Then came the crash of 2008. … Continue reading →

MJ Goes Down

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We were surrounded by them, a small army of corporate fembots in Ann Taylor suits and Kate Spade shoes who doubled as informants for the bosses.  MJ had a code name for each of them that she'd use in her emails or texts, when one of them was up to no good. "Gucci Pants in the vending machine corner on her cell phone.  Whispering.  Someone's busted!"  "Peep Show  complaining that we take too long on our work.  She really needs to button up her shirt."   MJ was as tough as steel.  She worked like a machine, she could drop … Continue reading →

Love

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"Mrs. Evans," the school nurse begins on the phone, "Miss F. has a piece of plastic notebook spiral caught in her finger.  No one is exactly sure how it got there." My daughter is the Accident Queen.  She has fallen out of trees and down stairs, chipped teeth, jammed staples through her thumb, had her lip split with a baseball, and has given herself black eyes. I've learned that unless the fever is over 105 degrees or there is blood coming out of someone's ear, not to get too worked up over these things. I arrive at the office of … Continue reading →

Got Boobs?

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Warning:  This post contains uncharacteristically strong language for the Fierce Diva.  It's to prove a point, of course.  I have something I need to get off my chest – no pun intended.  I find the mega-hype over this week's cover of Time Magazine (for those of you living under a rock, it would be the one that features a photo of a mother breastfeeding her three year-old son) rather annoying.   Forget about the article.  The photo itself has gotten plenty of press and outrage from the country-at-large. There has been a demand for the magazine to be censored at certain … Continue reading →

Follow Me!

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Admit it. You were lonely on Twitter without me. What did you do all this time, without my Tweeting 140 characters of brilliance out to you every few hours?  I reassure you that you'll never have to suffer like that again, because I now have a Twitter account!  Assuming you do too, (because apparently ALL the cool kids Tweet these days) you can find me or Tweet me or follow me @fiercedivablog If you take a look at my blog sidebar, you'll see that there are a few added widgets since the last time you have visited.  Not only is … Continue reading →

WWBD (What Would Balthazar Do)?

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She walked slowly,  strolled, to be exact, ensconced in conversation, one hand holding cell phone to ear, while her free hand pushed the cart at a painfully sluggish pace.  I could not get around her, because she walked too closely to the middle of the aisle.  My "Excuse me's" went ignored, as she babbled away, stopping every few feet to inspect an end cap display of oversized beach towels or outdoor patio condiment holders.    My three children are restless.  I have lured them here on a sunny weekday afternoon with the promise of sampling the coveted tortellini in pesto … Continue reading →

Facebook Stalking Your Ex-Boyfriend and Other Nonsense

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I did a double take as I re-read the name of the sender.  Vick, the love of my young 20's, that crazy, destructive, kind of love, that takes years to decompress from and a few trips to a therapist's couch, who disappeared off the face of the earth 17 years ago, had contacted me through Facebook. "Well, hey, stranger! Hope you're well," sums up the message I found in my inbox.  "Wow, what a coincidence to hear from you," I respond.   "I just wrote a blog post  about the time the two of us got thrown into jail.  Here's the … Continue reading →

Birthdays and Other Occasions Laden with Disappointment

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If you're a regular on the blog, then you know you'd have more fun hanging out with a piece of plywood at a bar or a party than with me.  So, it should come as no surprise that when my birthday passed a few weeks ago, the day slipped by without a big girls night out or a lot of fanfare. I had a great day.  It was a normal day-in-the-life-of-a-Fierce Diva, but with some extra phone calls and cards in the mail with good wishes for me.  I don't have high expectations for birthdays or other holidays, but it … Continue reading →

Diva’s Wild Night Out

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"You're comin'," she growled.  "You're gettin' get your wimpy little Diva ass out to that bar or I'm gonna pop you one, I swear." I knew Trixie meant business, because she was getting all "Brooklyn" on me.  "You know me, Trixie.  I don't last past 9:30.  Besides, it's a school night. " Trixie sighed.  It was a loud sigh, the kind they might have heard in Detroit. "For someone who eats as much kale and does as much yoga as you, you should have a little more energy than that. Doncha think?"    "I'm up at 4:30 in the morning.  I'm … Continue reading →

Balthazar, The Coolest Guy on Facebook

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"Dear Vegas, you suck.  Love, Balthazar."  Balthazar has checked into the United Club at Newark Liberty International.  I imagine him, young and single, hanging out in the first class lounge in a pair of Abercrombie jeans and vintage wash oxford, sipping a Bloody Mary, while I sit at my desk gulping coffee, in my yoga clothes, slightly damp from perspiration, seven a.m. on a Wednesday morning, while I enjoy a few last moments of quiet before the kids barrel down the stairs.  Balthazar's Facebook status stands out like a pearl among the suburban trifles in my newsfeed.  Recital photos, Pampered … Continue reading →