Friends

Posted on by

F_logo

At first, it was a novelty, reconnecting with people you lost
touch with in fifth grade.  They moved
away or changed schools, decades before the digital age, and it seemed as if
they had disappeared from your life forever.

Then, it became a convenient way to stay abreast of the
daily ins and outs of your current friends.

You don’t talk to them as much as you used to, because you
see what’s going on in their lives through Facebook.

Then, you get angry with them, because they posted pictures
of the awesome girl’s night out you weren’t invited to. 

But you begin to wonder if you were left off the list, because
you don’t call as much.  Because part of
you knows that Facebook has made you lazy. You make a vow to put more effort into
the friendship.

You call but get no answer. 
You call again.   And again.  And again.  

You don’t get a return call, although you notice that even
though your friend does not have time to return your call, she has time to post
a status on the traffic she sat in during her morning commute, a snarky remark
about a co-worker, a photo of the new shoes she bought on her lunch hour, and a
running commentary on the girl’s night out she’s on with her friends—which, again, you weren’t invited to.    

There is danger in our lives being so public, beyond the
very real dangers with regard to our privacy. There is the danger of things
taken personally, the danger of expectations not being met, the danger of sharing
too much with the wrong people (let’s face it – do you even remember who is on
your friend list?).

There is the danger of losing our friends, the real
friends.  The ones we used to call and
check in with, and talk, and spend time with.

I am lucky to have friends who still call me, especially
since I have not been the best at calling you. 
Sometimes a day goes by, sometimes a week, sometimes, a month.  But you are forgiving, and you are always there.  Once I pick up that phone, you listen.  Because the things I need to talk about the
most are not the things I discuss on Facebook.  

Do you still talk on
the phone, or has your communication shifted to texting and in-boxing?  

Have you lost any friends
over a misunderstanding that started on Facebook?

Have you had moments
of envy – or anger –  after not being
invited to an event that was publicized on social networks by other people you
know?

Namaste, Divas!

©2012 Ilene Evans 

 

According To Denise


Comments

Friends — 22 Comments

  1. “Because the things I need to talk about the most are not the things I discuss on Facebook.” Absolutely! I love going for coffee with my friends or simply calling them up to talk about life….beyond what’s on display for everyone else to see.
    Really great post!

  2. I hit up my personal FB account every now and then. I was very inactive on the account for months until I started my blog and created a FB page. I keep all things light, but as I recently discovered, I try not to share too much (as innocent as it may be) or the “Bermuda Triangle” of calls from in-laws and family start and it’s just too much (just happened recently). I share personal moments “in person”, the rest is just “surface material”.

  3. Totally agree. I miss the long conversations I used to have with my friends. Now everything seems to feel like it needs to fit within 140 characters or a witty FB status update along with a ridiculous picture of my kids. For me, many of those friends that I would sit and have the long and real conversations live in different places and we all now have kids and are busy, etc. and those friends usually aren’t the ones who are on social media networks. It’s hard but they get the story that’s not shown on my timeline.

  5. I sometimes lose track of who is on Facebook and who can see what – but at this point, I have to assume that if I post anything at all, it’s no longer private.
    When I spin off into my virtual reality, I am very lucky to have a few girls who insist on picking up a phone and calling me. I love them for that!

  6. Yes! time is a HUGE factor, and let’s face it. Facebook makes it convenient to communicate with the masses. But we are all so lucky to have people behind the scenes to get the stories that do not appear on our timelines. I worry for my kids – that this is how they will know to communicate. Heck, I barely even email anymore! That’s so passe! 🙂

  7. Instead of talking on the phone with friends we email. I see my bestie every month or so. None of my close friends are on Facebook, so mostly I am connected to family and acquaintances there. I have gotten annoyed by a couple of things I’ve seen on FB, so try to limit my time there. I also don’t post very often. I prefer posting on my anonymous blog and twitter accounts.

  11. I had a few twinges when I first started facebook. Then I questioned my reactions, realized they were immature, and moved on. I have been chastised by others for perceived slights, though. And had a friend “break up” with me because I quit following her on Twitter. It’s silly.
    I communicate a lot through text, facebook, and email. But we still make an effort to go out to lunch or have ladies’ game nights. We need to be in each other’s presence.
    I never liked the phone anyway.
    Happy Sharefest. I hope you have a lovely weekend.

  12. I’m a phone gal and email girl all the way but I’m learning to text and occasionally Facebook to keep up with people more often cause I can’t always talk on the phone. I save the real stuff for the phone just like you. This is such a great topic and well done post (as always). I certainly relate to feeling left out after viewing friends’ Facebook reports – ugh! I doubt that will ever go away completely for me … I hate to be left out of anything, even an event I don’t really want to attend. I’m fun like that! xoxo

  13. Facebook really is changing the way we interact with each other. Luckily, I still have those close friends I can call at any time and, even if it’s been a while, we can pick right up where we left off.

  14. I, too, believe that “face time” is important for any friendship, when it’s possible! It is very easy to misunderstand someone on Facebook or even email, since there is no tone, and I am 100% with you regarding those perceived slights. They are just perceptions – but can be taken way too personally!

  17. I know what you mean – I feel jealous of when people seem to be having more fun than I am – but it’s helpful to remember the quote by Vince Lombardi – the reason we feel that way is because we are comparing our behind the scenes to other’s highlight reels.

  18. I have a love/ hate relationship with Facebook. I love the possibilities of social media with it. I love having a peek into people’s lives without being intrusive.
    BUT. I hate the whiny/ bragging/ vague Facebook status updates. I hate the “cut and paste this status if you care about cancer/ poverty etc”. I get all “stop it!” when I see endless vacation pictures of places I’ll probably never have the chance to go to ever.
    I’m vague on the friends being in touch only via Facebook. I prefer that with certain people. 🙂

  19. I’ve gotten my feelings hurt from what I see on Facebook before – but I haven’t lost a friend because of it. I don’t think. 😉 I do do mostly texting and emailing now. Mostly because it’s hard to talk on the phone with young kids!

  22. Yes! It is soooo hard to talk on the phone with kids! Which I did not understand until I had them! But, I have misunderstood and misinterpreted things before. Ironically, I THOUGHT I lost a friend this summer on FB – but I was just reading into a comment she made at me. The danger of the internet having no tone…