Kids

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Kids

First, they lifted the brochures, the ones that persuade you
to refinance your mortgage, outside of their Lucite holders and used them as
fans.    Next, they pulled on those pens
that are attached to the coils, and mounted to a base.  They pulled as far as they would give and
then let go, allowing the pens to fly airborne back onto the high counters that
they sat on, next to the deposit slips.   Then, they attacked the chairs, in a full-on
jump-up –and- down kind of way.  The
customers began to stare.  The tellers
darted their eyes from them to me, as if to say, “Aren’t you going to say something?

“I did,” I say in my silent conversation with them in
response. “Haven’t you heard me tell them at least what?  Six?  Seven times now to stop jumping on the chair?
To lower their voices? To stop playing with the brochures?”

I usually go to the bank drive through, except I had to go
to the window that day for what I needed done. 
And of course, the transaction was taking twice as long as I had
anticipated.

“Stop it,” I say with my eyes, and then again with my mouth,
in that low hissy growl that’s meant to say, “If we weren’t in public, I’d be
screaming at you right now. “

But they don’t stop. 
They keep jumping and yelling and stomping and throwing brochures into
the air, daring me, as children to.

We walk out to the car in silence.  They know I’m disappointed.

We get into the car, and in the calmest voice possible, so
that they know it’s real, versus one of my typical booming empty threats, I
say, “We’re not going to the pool club today. 
Not after that.”

They are silent in return. 
It’s the end of August, and our days at the pool, the place they call
their second home in the summer, are numbered. 

But they need to learn that stop means stop.  Their behavior warranted consequences.

My mind darts. It’s too beautiful a day to sit at home. I
decide we will go to a park, a park with a track around the perimeter, as I
could use a good run.  It’s been a
week?  Two weeks?  However long, it has been too long for this
runner.

I set them up at a picnic table alongside the 1/5 mile track,
and they eat as I jog around the oval loop. It’s a short run for me.  Two miles, maybe?  But it has given me the calm that I needed to
face my children with a level head.  The
incident at the bank has been washed away. 
They were kids being kids, and it’s now behind us. 

I sit and drink water as they finish their bags of grapes and
color at the table. 

“Mommy,” my youngest says, “Doesn’t that cloud look like an
elephant?”

“Mom,” begins the boy, “How do you spell universe?” as he
writes in his journal.

My oldest does cartwheels in the grass.   

I am thoroughly enjoying my children in that moment, while
they are under a “punishment,” more than I have all summer.

At the town pool, I don’t see them.  They run off with their friends.  At home, I’m hyper focused on chores and
blogging and editing the small magazine that I work for, so that we can get out
the door to go to the pool.  Here, at the
park, we just have each other.

In a week, they will be back in school.  The pool club days will be over, as will most
chances for impromptu lunch trips to the park. 
I wouldn’t want to go back in time nor would I want to fast forward it,
but I want to recognize little moments like these, when they happen, and love
the hell out of them.   

The little moments really are the big moments. 

 

 

How was your summer? 

Are you ready for back to school? 

Have you ever had a good time with your kids at an unexpected moment (like me, after "punishing" them)? 

Namaste, Divas!

©2012 Ilene Evans 

 

The Mommy Mess

 

Comments

Kids — 34 Comments

  1. I am, what I consider, an empty threat mom. Rarely do I follow through with a punishment, but, when I do there always seems to be a calm after the storm. And, I do find that the moments that follow are ones that I can truly cherish. Thanks for the reminder!

  2. Beautiful! I wish I could be “present” like this park scene all the time. I’m constantly distracted by life, and like I posted today, I feel like time is slipping away. 🙁 I loved this picture too!

  3. I love when punishments and consequences turn into beautiful afternoons! I give myself time-out all the time, so that we can all appreciate and enjoy each other a little more. Great job, mom!

  4. I love those little moments!
    We had one like that last week, at the park- we were the only people there for a while because a storm had just passed. It was so nice to just relax and enjoy.

  5. What a great reminder. Sometimes even though they are being punished, you are able to enjoy them. And just be calm and relaxed. Enjoy the last week before school starts

  6. I couldn’t agree more! Those sweet times without the distractions of everyone else in the world are priceless to me. I much prefer a Friday, family fun night to a night out. Those are when we all melt together on the couch and enjoy each other.

  9. I find it so much easier to be present with my kids when we are not at home – because home poses way too many distractions! The other thing I am realizing as I write this – I believe I left my phone in the car! Now, THAT is the deal maker or deal breaker for me – LOL!

  12. Thank you, Audrey. There are so many ups and downs with raising these kids of mine, and I know that’s universal. But I try to never lose sight of the bigger picture – we only have the very moment that we are actually in – let’s love the heck out of it!

  15. Those moments are priceless when you let go of the “need” to be somewhere, of your guilt because you aren’t “doing something constructive.” I am so glad you had a lovely afternoon. I can feel the stress just drift away like those clouds on the breeze!
    Ilene, I am curious what would happen if you asked them the “what would have happen so that” question I mentioned this week in my post. What would have to happen so we could happily/peacefully/easily get through a trip to the bank/grocery store, etc? I wonder if you would be able to form an alliance of sorts with them, where everyone feels they are all in this together? Perhaps sharing that you get impatient, and could they offer ideas to help you stay calm? Perhaps they could be your “mentors” and you could call upon them with strategies to help stay calm while you are at the bank, putting them into a leadership role. Just a thought. . .
    A book we found priceless when the girls were little was Positive Discipline, by Jane Nelson. It took our focus off punishment and on to consequences. While parenting was still lots of work, it was easier when we focused on consequences. I highly recommend the book!

  17. Beautiful and beautifully written as always. The moments you describe are priceless and just confirm to me the old adage of putting on our oxygen masks first. You demonstrated this wonderfully and gave your kids a great memory. Well done!

  19. Oh, I LOVE the idea of us all being in it together – and “what would happen if..” I set expectations a lot of the time, but I like the idea so much more of us being a team. It’s easy for me to jump quickly into “control mode,” especially with my hot headed 8 year old – but if THEY could feel like the leaders…
    Thank you for the sage advice as always!

  27. This story is lovely. I remember being a brat at the bank when I was little – playing jump rope with the velvet ropes – and you sound like you handled it really well!! Your kids are lucky to have such a great mom!