Category Archives: Happiness is an Inside Job

15 Things I Have Learned about the Impossible

Posted on by

I walked to the starting line in semi darkness along with thousands of other runners, pouring into the streets of Philadelphia from their hotels. It was 6:00 am, Sunday November 20, 2011.  I had run hundreds of miles in preparation for that day.  I ran in rain, I ran in heat waves, I ran with friends and I ran alone.  I had learned a lot about my body and its limits, both the real and the self-imposed and during my training period, I had learned the difference between the two.   I was not in ideal shape for this run.  … Continue reading →

The Twenty-Five Minute Badass

Posted on by

The body never lies. You can say you’re not stressed, but the clench in your stomach betrays you. You can say you’re not angry, but then the stiffness in your throat reminds you that you chose to stifle the words. You can’t say you’re not depressed, but that tightness in your chest knows differently. I can’t get away from my feelings.  I’m a yogi. I’ve trained endlessly to know the awareness of living in my body, my life, my feelings, and to teach others to do the same.   Even when I’d rather deny my feelings, it’s too late for … Continue reading →

My Big Girl Voice

Posted on by

E. had a few things to say to me after my confession. “Why did you do that?” her voice sounding a little annoyed.   “They needed help.” “And why did they need help?” “Uh…” I stammered, feeling as if I was about to answer a trick question. “They were in a bind.” “Their bind is their problem!”  She continued.  “It’s not your problem, don’t make it your problem.  Next time you need to say no.”  “OK.” “How do you ever expect to get to the things that really matter to you if you keep saying yes to the things that … Continue reading →

My Big Bad Belly Tattoo

Posted on by

I stand in front of the mirror with a black sharpie, with my shirt hiked to my upper ribs. I pull the skin around my belly taut and dig the marker into my abdomen, as I slowly begin to write the backwards B, which in the mirror, looks forward facing. This was my assignment from E, the transformative coach with whom I had just spent an hour rambling about the past 4 years of my life, the many changes, studying yoga, the issues with my marriage, and what I see as my ideal future.   “What do you want for … Continue reading →

It’s My Island

Posted on by

I didn’t want to teach tonight. I never don’t want to teach. It has been a whirlwind week, between starting a “big girl” job that requires me to walk out of my house primped and well caffeinated when the kids leave for school, the impending monthly deadline on the magazine I edit, and getting adjusted to being the only adult in the house (I thought I was outnumbered before with three kids.  Now, I’m really outnumbered!) So, at 6:40 tonight, I finally turned off my computer after squeezing in 20 minutes of magazine editing time, after getting home from work, … Continue reading →

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Manpants {It’s My SITS Day!}

Posted on by

  I need you.  Although I don’t want to admit it.     A friend of mine recently chastised me (and rightfully so!) for trying to get through difficult situations on my own.   I am someone who tends to push away love and support. I have a hard time asking for help. When others try to help me, it makes me squirmy.  It makes me feel like I’m putting them out. I practically apologize before asking anyone for a favor. However, if you need me, I’ll give you everything I have.  If you’re in a crisis, I’m your man.   Just … Continue reading →

Boys

Posted on by

The Dude would go off for hours, to the field, the butterfly bush, the playground, or underneath a chaise lounge in a fortress built with towels. Most of the time he was with Jack, the Dude’s best friend, a surrogate brother, with whom he spends his summers at the town pool. Jack is a good boy, a really good boy, with an even keeled disposition that tempers my son’s occasional moods. They have the same imagination, which allows them to play with Legos or boats or collect leaves or rocks or catch butterflies for entire afternoons. I call the Dude … Continue reading →

How Not to Hold a Grudge

Posted on by

The bitch and I share the driver’s seat as I drive to the studio.  She’s taking up most of the space. “Can you please find your own seat?”  I ask.     “Shut up, bitch,” she snaps back.   “Who do you think you’re talking to?  You’re the bitch!” “Like you’re completely innocent.” I turn up the music and block her out.  The seat feels pretty cramped, but I manage.  You may not see my inner bitch, even if we’re in the same room, but every now and then, she takes over.    Like today. I’ve been holding some grudges, and … Continue reading →

Kids

Posted on by

First, they lifted the brochures, the ones that persuade you to refinance your mortgage, outside of their Lucite holders and used them as fans.    Next, they pulled on those pens that are attached to the coils, and mounted to a base.  They pulled as far as they would give and then let go, allowing the pens to fly airborne back onto the high counters that they sat on, next to the deposit slips.   Then, they attacked the chairs, in a full-on jump-up –and- down kind of way.  The customers began to stare.  The tellers darted their eyes from them to … Continue reading →

What My Swami Said

Posted on by

I found them to be a terrible distraction.  Not the kids fighting in the next room, or neighbors playing loud music, or thoughts of war or poverty or neglected dogs.  It was my bangs.  My new, shorter, side swept bangs weren’t sitting properly across my forehead.  I brushed them, I tried a different part, a flat iron, but nothing worked.  Enough, I thought to myself.  It’s time for the mind to move onto something else. There are worse things than a bad hair day, even if this was the day that I would be meeting Swami Shantimurti  Saraswati of Ahsram … Continue reading →